Kerner: I'll make you come first, OR ELSE
If you've read "She Comes First" and "He Comes Next" you're well aware of the cringeworthy, self-hating* tone of Dr. Kerner's creepy female-worshipping works. To be clear, I'm not opposed to his core idea that women should come first, but Kerner makes clear that he wants to prioritize female pleasure to compensate for that facet of masculinity that can be, shall we say, uncooperative. All the pussy-eating in the world won't distract her forever from the fact that your dick won't get hard, buddy. Sorry.
So in his phoned-it-in blog post for CNN's The Chart Kerner has apparently taken his face out of the vag long enough to notice American "raunch culture." Kerner is Very Concerned:
In the age of Snooki, "Girls Gone Wild," and Tila Tequila, where on Earth is a young woman supposed to find positive female role models? And how are our boys going to grow up to respect female sexuality when the girls themselves seem to be throwing all sexual caution to the wind? From sexting to the mainstreaming of amateur pornography, a new culture of raunchiness has emerged, one in which women aren’t just participating—they’re often taking the lead.
Hear that ladies? Don't expect respect when women who aren't you are captured on video doing things they probably didn't want to do anyway. Apparently the apex of raunch culture is creating a perpetually throbbing hard-on in our nation's young men rendering them completely incapable of respecting women. And you know what ladies? It's all your fault.
Except Kerner has kind of missed the boat: the peak of raunchy public female sexuality that Ariel Levy wrote about in "Female Chauvinist Pigs" in 2006 has actually kindof passed. Joe Francis got married, Tila Tequila is adopting a baby and Jenna Jameson isn't even doing porn anymore. JWOWW's decidedly raunch fashion line, "Filthy Couture," never even shipped.**
What Kerner doesn't seem to realize is that Snooki and the Jersey Shore team are parodies of a raunch culture now so passe the only place those so five minutes ago Ed Hardy fashions can be worn is in an imaginary, retrograde South Jersey fantasyland. Bad for MTV, good for the rest of us.
And Kerner might take notice that two women were this close to the Oval Office two years ago and are in awesome or terrifying positions of power right now. Obviously heralding feminist achievement doesn't get CNN pageviews but Kerner ought to take his face out of the muff long enough to take notice of Hillary, Sarah, Nancy, Tina Fey, and any number of the tons of awesome female role models out there. Are there enough women in positions of real power? Of course not. But there are more than enough to provide real alternatives to parents who feel overwhelmed by the Snookis and Tila Tequilas of the world.
*"He Comes Next" doesn't even appear on Kerner's own website listing of books he's written. This guy really, really doesn't think you deserve blow jobs, guys.
**the link http://filthycouture.com/ automatically redirects to http://jwoww.com/ now.
I'm sorry, but the tagline for his book Sexual Recharge which includes the words "sexual rejuvenation" makes me think of "vaginal rejuvenation."
ReplyDeleteSurely, if you do what he says to do in these books, which are really aimed at men, right (because they always want to have sex more than women), you will have jumped through whatever hoop you had to jump through to get the sex you are entitled to.
YES, you are right. i haven't read SR or 'passionista' (hurl) but that was the sense i always got from his stuff was the pathetic, whimpering man who just can't get enough sex from his Powerful Amazing Amazon Woman and he just needs to hit the buttons in the right combination and she will have sex with you. moneyback guarantee! the 'admit it, you're just not that into him either' seemed like such an irritating smear at women.
ReplyDeleteI think a more generous way to look at Kerner is that he's not just five years behind the times on the raunch culture thing, he's about 30 years behind the times on "she comes first." Because before about 1980 it really was a radical proposition. Times change, though.
ReplyDeleteIt's still a good idea to aim for women coming first. Earlier this month Em & Lo make a very well-informed case for it. But they also took a (literal, garden metaphor) dig at men who (switching metaphors) "covet her orgasms like a Boy Scout covets a merit badge."
I like Holly of the Pervocracy's way of putting it -- good sex is more about borrowing orgasms from each other and then return them than making a duty out of giving them.
figleaf from realadultsex.com
In continuation on Figleaf's train of thought that "She comes first" is a behind the times idea, I would say that putting the pressure on the guy that he must make her come before he does is a bit chauvinist in and of itself. It means that a woman who may be just fine with finishing with toys or not having multiple orgasms has to perform to the whims of her man who has to make her come before he can pleasure himself. I agree that it should be more of a borrowing orgasms rather than make it the duty of one to come or perform for the other on demand.
ReplyDeleteWhat do women want for crying out loud? Ian Kerner's book is a practical guide for teaching men how to get down with cunnilingus.
ReplyDeleteIf men care only about getting theirs, they're douches. If they care about helping women get theirs, they're soft and behind the times. Right.