Sunday, December 26, 2010

Gay Dad in Dallas Removed as Scout Leader

via the Dallas Morning News.

Don't know how this got past me in October but Jon Langbert, the father of a 9 year-old Cub Scout in Dallas, was removed as Scout leader after other parents complained. You'd think with the federal government being all concerned about "Promoting Responsible Fatherhood" that they would be psyched about, you know, an involved, responsible father.
"I just found out a few days ago that some of the dads are not happy about having a gay guy running the popcorn fundraiser," Langbert told his local CBS 11 TV station.
So some aggressively flaming heterosexual wants to run the popcorn fundraiser instead? The fucked up part is that the local organization's leadership told Langbert that his being gay was no problem, but when other parents complained Boy Scout higher ups got involved and said that no, being gay trumps all other good qualities.

Langbert said he's going to try to push for a change. Let's hope he does.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Marie Claire Interviews Woman Who Knows Everything About Closeted Gay Men

Oh here we go. Marie Claire is featuring an interview with Kiri Blakeley, a writer whose nine year engagement ended when her fiance confessed he was gay. Fortunately, this allowed Kiri Blakeley to write a memoir of her experience which will surely sell hundreds of copies to women terrified that their sensitive man-toy is also hiding a secret desire for other men.

This being Marie Claire, the interview skews to the overly general and stereotypical:
  • This was a man who never even let me touch his butt! (and all gay dudes are into anal, obv)
  • He also grew a beard and refused to shave it. (have you ever seen the Village People? ever?)
  • The weird thing is, Aaron is a very masculine guy with a deep voice. (weird!)
  • He plays soccer, wears loose clothing, doesn't use loads of hair gel, and never reeks of Axe body spray. (she's confusing being gay with being a cast member on Jersey Shore)
  • There's no postcoital chatting. Gay men get right to the point. (because men don't have feelings)
So what happened next?
I became addicted to sex. It gave me a dopamine rush in the same way that drugs and alcohol affect your brain. Soon, I couldn't just sit home on a Sunday night and read. I would claw my skin in physical withdrawal. The only solution was to get dressed and go to a bar to find a guy.
If this isn't further evidence that homosexuality is chipping away at the foundation of our society, I don't know what is! If she needs support she might consider reaching out to Rick Perry's wife, First Lady of Texas Anita Perry, who's got years of experience being married to an allegedly secretly gay guy. But as I've always said, better to break up with a gay boyfriend than be married to a gay husband. Guess that's why I'm not promoting a memoir.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Second Bad Texas High School Sports News Story of the Day

via the Houston Press. A high school softball player was outed to her mother by her coaches and then kicked off the team. Possibly because the player was dating an ex of one of the coaches. Girl and mother are suing the school district. For chrissakes Texas school districts, stop doing illegal shit to your female athletes!

Silsbee, Texas Cheerleader
Appealing to U.S. Supreme Court

Update on the case of a Silsbee, Texas cheerleader who was kicked off the team after refusing to participate in individual cheers for the basketball player who raped her. The girl took her high school to court and lost, and now she's appealing to the U.S. Supreme Court.

According to an article in the San Francisco Chronicle,
The case has drawn national attention since a federal appeals court in New Orleans ruled in September that the cheerleader was speaking for the school, not herself, and had no right to remain silent when called on to shout the athlete's name. Legal commentators said the ruling illustrated courts' increasingly restrictive view of free speech on campus.
How bad could the cheer have possibly been, you ask? Surely she couldn't object to something like, "Rakheem, Rakheem, you're so great, get that pitch over home plate?" (Okay, I know he was a basketball player and not a pitcher, but I'm not good at making up cheers) No, the cheer wasn't something innocuous at all. It was
2, 4, 6, 8, 10, come on, Rakheem, put it in
Not so hard to imagine now why the girl didn't want to participate.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Racist Anti-Abortion
Campaign Comes to Austin

"The most dangerous place for some children is in the womb."

The Majella Society, d/b/a Heroic Media, is Austin's own do-nothing anti-abortion propaganda provider and they're back in force with this new, racist billboard on I-35 south at 8th street near downtown. It appears that this billboard is part of a larger campaign targeting black women, like the one reported in Atlanta earlier this year, and this message represents an interesting change for Heroic, which has typically focused on "Pregnant? Scared?" messages.

Last year Majella ran the "I Am A Life" ad during the season premiere of CSI: Miami, which is a CBS show. RH Reality Check reported in February that the Atlanta billboards were owned by CBS Outdoor and that CBS, which broadcast the Superbowl this year, allowed the tacky Tim Tebow anti-abortion commercial paid for by Focus on the Family.

On the website mentioned in the billboard above, there are several videos, including the one below. While the video itself doesn't explicitly say that African American women are contributing to black genocide, the Youtube handle of the uploader is "PPAbortsAA." The video itself includes language like "baby daddy" and the woman and the child presented--who is not an infant--are both black. The rest of the ads on feature non-white women and children, too.

The downloadable "fact sheet" is also clearly targeting black women, and includes several spurious "facts" about abortion among African Americans. The website also links from this factoid: "In 2007, one pro-choice organization made only 4,912 adoption referrals while performing 305,310 abortions" to, which has the below super-obvious image on the homepage.

The text on the homepage is below:
Planned Parenthood's actions are the ultimate exploitation of African American women and an assault on the dignity of life. Planned Parenthood founder Margaret Sanger had a plan. She wasn't interested in removing the cause of poverty, illiteracy, illegitimate births, or other social ills, she just wanted to eliminate the result, the pregnancy, ...the innocent life. She wanted to, "stop the reproduction of the unfit". Please help us, provide another voice for African Americans to listen to, to choose. A voice that encourages the heroic decision to become a mother.
And so on. But the curious thing is that, according to, black women in Texas account for a lower percentage of abortions in the state (23.2%) as compared to the national proportion (35%), and this Guttmacher report shows that black Texas teens have an abortion rate less than half (20) that of the national rate of 44. This may be more of an indication of how hard it is to get abortions in Texas, but regardless, there is not a "black abortion epidemic" in Texas.

So why Austin? The Census Bureau shows only 8% of the population here is black, as compared to 18% in Houston and 20% in Dallas. My money is on the Legislative session, which convenes on January 11th. The billboard's proximity to the capitol suggests the target of these ads may not be black women at all, but those in power who have the ability to make abortion that much harder to get for all women.

Monday, December 20, 2010

How to Talk Dirty Part 2:
Opening Your Mouth

image from my great pals at Where is Your Line

"How do I talk dirty?" is a something every sex expert gets asked all the time. It's one of those questions that is easily answered--when in doubt, just narrate!--but people are so nervous about what they sound like during sex that they want to find a script they can memorize that will provide a Guaranteed Hot Sexy Time. But the thing is, everybody feels differently about how a hookup should sound: some people want a play-by-play, some want to be bossed around, and others prefer a kind of hot, tense silence. I think humans can generally be divided into three broad categories: breathers, moaners, and talkers.

Breathers might not make much noise but will breathe in ways that, if interpreted correctly, are totally hot. Especially if they're breathing heavily in your ear while sucking on your earlobe. Or whatever.

Moaners moan without having to try; they get hit in the right spot or licked in the right way and they can't not make noise.

Talkers can be good talkers or bad talkers. Good talkers say things that are hot and make you feel good; bad talkers make inappropriate comments and kill the mood.

Becoming a Moaner

If you're shy or just naturally quiet during sex, don't fake moaning; just try to identify the times and feelings that elicit heavy breathing and try to add a little bit of a moan to the mix. Eventually, moans will come to you naturally. But don't overdo it: not everything should make you moan like you're about to come. The person pleasing you wants to earn those sounds. There's nothing worse than hearing someone howl repeatedly like the star of "Cum Guzzling Cheerleaders Part 7."

If you're such a moaner that you do really sound like a pornstar, try gagging yourself or putting a pillow over your face. It will be that much hotter when you can moan again.

Talking Dirty to Get Consent

One of the most vexing issues around consent is that everyone assumes it's a total boner-killer to stop, negotiate, agree to Sex Acts A and B but not C, and recommence where you left off. But getting consent can easily be worked into your sexy talk. If you want to give consent, few things are hotter to a partner than hearing you say, "I want you to ____ me." And if you want to ask for consent, say, "I really want to ____ you. Is that okay?" wait for them to say "yes," and, voila! You have consent.

How to Talk

Talking dirty, for those to whom it doesn't come naturally, is an art form that can take an average sexual experience all the way to awesome. If your partner asks you to talk dirty to them, here are a few places to start:

"I can't wait to ____ you"
"Your ____ feels so fucking good"
"I love it when you ____ me"
"Your ____ gets so ____ when I ____ it"
"Your ____ is going to make me come"

What Not to Say

Some people are Directors and want to be in charge and running the show during sex. I would encourage you--particularly men--to use caution before being too bossy. For some women, hearing something that sounds word for word like what guys say in porn movies can be a turnoff, triggering*, or both. There is a world of difference between talking about the shared experience you're having with a partner ("It's so hot when you suck my cock") and making a partner feel like they're at the service of your sexual pleasure alone ("Suck my cock, yeah you love it you little slut, don't you?").

Dos and Don'ts

  • Do: the first time you hook up with someone, you should tell them they're beautiful/so fucking hot/gorgeous. Doing this a) makes clear to your partner that you think they're so fucking hot and b) is just good policy.
  • Do: Get--and give--consent. "I want you to ___ me" is one of the hottest things a person can hear.
  • Don't: Use porn-tastic language without clearing it with your partner first. Some women are going to be super turned on by hearing "Yeah, take my big cock you little whore" but others are going to reel back and punch you in the face. So ask.
  • Do: Ask for what you want. If it really turns you on to be called "Daddy," or "Kitten" or "Boy Scout" or whatever, say so.
  • Don't: Bite your tongue out of nervousness. Whatever sound you make, if genuine, will be hot.
  • Do: Give praise. "Yeah, that feels so fucking good" is a great thing to say under any circumstances and doesn't force you to say words that might be hard to say at first, like "pussy" or "cock."
  • Don't: Say the same thing every time. Your partner will remember if you said "I love it when your ____ gets tight when I ____ you" the last ten times you ____ed them.

I love it when you ____ my ____,
Julie Sunday

*A trigger is something that sets off a memory tape or flashback transporting the person back to the event of her/his original trauma.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

How to Talk Dirty Part 1:
The Narrator vs. The Director

"Oh yeah, you like it when I whisper in your ear, don't you?"

It's been 3 years since I last wrote about talking dirty and last night ran into someone who reminded me of the urgency of clear guidelines on this subject. Suffice it to say, like the definition of "obscenity" itself, one may not know bad dirty talk until one experiences it. And by then it is too late.

There are two main styles for talking dirty: Narrator and Director. (There is also Mime, which I do not recommend.) A Narrator is someone who will describe what is happening as it is happening, giving a play-by-play of the various actions taking place and (usually) commenting about how good it feels, how hot it is, and so on.

A Director is someone who prefers to tell their partner what to do. This is common in mainstream porn where the fantasy is a man getting a woman to do anything he wants.

Here are some different ways a Narrator and a Director might communicate the same thing:

Narrator: "It feels so good when you bite my ear"
Director: "Oh yeah baby, bite my ear"

Narrator: "I love it when you suck my nipples like that"
Director: "Suck my nipples"

Narrator: "Your ____ tastes so good"
Director: "You think it's so hot when I suck your ____, don't you?"

Narrator: "Your ____ feels amazing in my ____"
Director: "Take all of my ____. You like that, don't you?"

And so on. Some people prefer the narrative style and others the directive and either way is fine, but one should avoid doing both. Nothing is worse than discovering that, when your own mouth is too full to talk, that you are going down on someone who wants to play the role of both Narrator and Director.

Just imagine: there you are, innocently pleasuring your partner, who proceeds to tell you what to do immediately followed by commentary on how good it feels. This might sound like someone following that old adage to tell your partner what you want them to do and then appreciate them when they do it. But what can happen rather quickly is that the person giving the instructions and praise doesn't ever stop fucking talking and you feel like you're watching Headline News where the newscaster is but a small percentage of the information being communicated: the talking head is saying, "This is the best blowjob since the 2008 election!" and the ticker is saying "You like that baby, don't you?" and the headline across the bottom of the screen says "Blowjob Significantly Better than those Given by Ex-Girlfriend, the Bitch" and up in the corner where the weather icon should be is a countdown to "I'm gonna come in your mouth in 5...4...3..." and you get so overwhelmed with information that you just want to change the channel already.

If you notice the person going down on you rolling their eyes, it's time to shut the fuck up and come already.

Instruction on what to actually say tomorrow.

Friday, December 17, 2010

He Comes Last: Ian Kerner Discovers Raunch Culture 5 Years Late

Kerner: I'll make you come first, OR ELSE

If you've read "She Comes First" and "He Comes Next" you're well aware of the cringeworthy, self-hating* tone of Dr. Kerner's creepy female-worshipping works. To be clear, I'm not opposed to his core idea that women should come first, but Kerner makes clear that he wants to prioritize female pleasure to compensate for that facet of masculinity that can be, shall we say, uncooperative. All the pussy-eating in the world won't distract her forever from the fact that your dick won't get hard, buddy. Sorry.

So in his phoned-it-in blog post for CNN's The Chart Kerner has apparently taken his face out of the vag long enough to notice American "raunch culture." Kerner is Very Concerned:
In the age of Snooki, "Girls Gone Wild," and Tila Tequila, where on Earth is a young woman supposed to find positive female role models? And how are our boys going to grow up to respect female sexuality when the girls themselves seem to be throwing all sexual caution to the wind? From sexting to the mainstreaming of amateur pornography, a new culture of raunchiness has emerged, one in which women aren’t just participating—they’re often taking the lead.

Hear that ladies? Don't expect respect when women who aren't you are captured on video doing things they probably didn't want to do anyway. Apparently the apex of raunch culture is creating a perpetually throbbing hard-on in our nation's young men rendering them completely incapable of respecting women. And you know what ladies? It's all your fault.

Except Kerner has kind of missed the boat: the peak of raunchy public female sexuality that Ariel Levy wrote about in "Female Chauvinist Pigs" in 2006 has actually kindof passed. Joe Francis got married, Tila Tequila is adopting a baby and Jenna Jameson isn't even doing porn anymore. JWOWW's decidedly raunch fashion line, "Filthy Couture," never even shipped.**

What Kerner doesn't seem to realize is that Snooki and the Jersey Shore team are parodies of a raunch culture now so passe the only place those so five minutes ago Ed Hardy fashions can be worn is in an imaginary, retrograde South Jersey fantasyland. Bad for MTV, good for the rest of us.

And Kerner might take notice that two women were this close to the Oval Office two years ago and are in awesome or terrifying positions of power right now. Obviously heralding feminist achievement doesn't get CNN pageviews but Kerner ought to take his face out of the muff long enough to take notice of Hillary, Sarah, Nancy, Tina Fey, and any number of the tons of awesome female role models out there. Are there enough women in positions of real power? Of course not. But there are more than enough to provide real alternatives to parents who feel overwhelmed by the Snookis and Tila Tequilas of the world.

*"He Comes Next" doesn't even appear on Kerner's own website listing of books he's written. This guy really, really doesn't think you deserve blow jobs, guys.

**the link automatically redirects to now.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

The Anti-Gift Guide: Tajazzle

Via Gawker.

Do you need a 3 step system (a $200 value) to make your vagina even remotely palatable to your greaseball boyfriend? Are you sure he isn't gay? Well, if you insist, I guess you could think about using Tajazzle, the knockoff, downscale, Jersey Shore version of LA "sensation" Vajazzling. It's the Ultimate in Personal Confidence!

But if you buy the Tajazzle sensational confidence-building system you won't have only a vagina with a cheap rhinestone tattoo, you'll also get some "powder" made with the "finest, all-natural ingredients" to "keep you dry when it gets hot." (I hate to be a curmudgeon here, but isn't being wet when things "get hot" sort of the point?) You also get Tajazzle Flavor roll-on, which I'm guessing are upcycled leftover roll-on lip glosses from the 1980s. If you order now you'll get raspberry and honey flavors to roll on all your...private areas. sounding.

You can "live your fantasy as a Radiant Goddess" with Tajazzle and, I'm not making this up, "Put some bling in your fling." As they say, "It's totally empowering to be wearing so little and still have something very secret only someone special can see."

I think we clearly need to add "Tajazzle" to our lexicon. Anyone have suggestions for what the word should mean? Leave them in the comments.

Can't get enough of the horrible infomercial? Watch part 2!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

The Electric Kool-Aid Syphilis Test

How fortuitous that I happen to be reading Tom Wolfe's hallucinogenic masterpiece right now, because my first thought upon seeing this super weird 1970s cartoon syphilis video produced by the Navy is how incredible it would be to watch it on acid. Which, in the Navy in the 1970s, might have been just the state of mind in which many viewers saw this film.

The video sets up an award show in which Venereal Disease, and specifically Syphilis and Gonorrhea, win the award for "Communicable Disease of the Year" against such worthy adversaries as smallpox, the common cold, and scarlet fever. The show's MC explains that, while each of the other contenders has made their own splash, syphilis has stood the test of time and has been with us humans for centuries.

What follows is an accurate and entertaining (at least for sexual health nerds like me who love syphilis) history of the infection. Like many contemporary sex ed videos, the narration fails to mention that, you know, condoms help prevent syphilis and gonorrhea. But that's neither here nor there--this is a historical gem.

Of course Texas has been a trendsetter in the retro syphilis sensation of the past decade and we're real proud of that but we could all stand to learn a little somethin' about the syph.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Texas to Receive Millions in Federal
Anti-Trafficking Funds?

Texas is widely considered a hub for human trafficking and by some estimates, 25% of all human trafficking victims wind up in the Lone Star State. Dallas Cowboys stadium will play host to the Superbowl in 2011 and in preparation the state Attorney General Greg Abbott is committing funds to fight the "influx of human trafficking" expected to take place around the event.

From the Star-Telegram:
Abbott cited a report from a Florida task force estimating that tens of thousands of women and minors were trafficked in the Miami area during the last Super Bowl. The game is considered "one of the biggest human-trafficking events in the United States," he said. "We know that the sex traffickers and the girls they enslave are going to be out in full force," Abbott said. "We are going to be helping out by putting boots on the ground."

The lege has made efforts to increase punishment for "traffickers" (read: pimps) to 25 years in prison, at least half of which must be served before parole, among other consequences. called last month for more support for shelters for victims of trafficking and, lo and behold, a $15 million per year bill to establish support services for victims of trafficking sponsored by Our Fair Senator John Cornyn (R-TX) has just passed the Senate unanimously.*

If the bill passes the House, the grant program would provide funding for 6 states to pilot services for victims and to increase prosecution of pimps and traffickers.

Speaking of which,'s recent story on human trafficking revealed one pimp's "business plan" which, suprisingly, did not include any mention whatsoever of the Big Game this February. The Pimp Author did talk about setting up an "international operation" and attending the Players Ball in Las Vegas, so perhaps the federal prosecutors should go there instead of trying to use government money to score tickets to the Superbowl.

Or get in touch with Big Al in Florida.

*How interesting that a press release heralding this bill's passage appears on the cosponsor's (Wyden, D-OR) Senate webpage but not Cornyn's.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

The Panopticon of Slut Shaming

A panopticon prison at Presidio Modelo, Isla De la Juventud, Cuba.

Roy Baumeister, author of "Sexual Economics: Sex as Female Resource for Social Exchange in Heterosexual Interactions," which blew my mind when I read it on Mark Regnerus' recommendation a few years ago, has a new book out, Is There Anything Good About Men? I sure hope he answers that question, because I'm dying to know.

In a recent blog post on the Oxford University Press website, Baumeister writes that men incur more "costs" for sex, by which he means men "pay" more for it. Women suffer more "consequences" for sex, which can be measured in social "cost." Case in point: a woman's "value" goes down if she gets a reputation for "selling" at too low a price, i.e., being labeled a "slut."

Baumeister argues that by every available measure, men have a higher sex drive than women. While I agree that by the indicators currently available (including frequency of fantasy, sex, and masturbation) men do show a higher desire than women, he fails to note that we don't yet have a way of measuring how women are successfully curbed by our social system that promises punishment if they act out sexually and that they are collectively responsible for their own sexual regulation. He might want to check in with Cindy Meston about this question.

I can't imagine a more effective way of curbing sex drive than by the constant threat of disease, social ostracism, and possibly death(!!!). Patrick Carnes, the founder of the Gentle Path sex addiction treatment program, writes about the effectiveness of sex-negative culture at causing "sexual anorexia" in his book by the same name(p. 47). Sexual anorexia creates in its sufferers a fear of sexuality and its consequences so great that all desires are sublimated.

Baumeister (and Kathleen Vohs, with whom he has written about sexual economics) makes the clear case in his seminal article that women moderate their sexual behavior because they want (and need) to maintain their social and sexual "value" by selling at a high price to get men's "resources." Regnerus supports this finding in his new book on college student sexual behavior, Premarital Sex in America.

On college campuses, the fiercest guards of sexual behavior are women, not men. Women police eachother's sexual behavior and shame eachother for "selling" at too low a price: witness the number of girls who spread rumors about so-and-so's having sex under the wrong circumstances, with the wrong guy, or with too great a frequency. You see this shaming at its ugliest when women respond to another woman's sexual assault with questions about whether she was really raped at all.

The idea, of course, is that if a woman you associate with sells at a low price that affects your own value, so you can slut-shame her away from you and maintain your own high price. Men don't care--they'll take whatever sex they can get.

Foucault described the panopticon, a prison where the guard can see all inmates at once but they can't tell if they're really being watched, as the perfect way to create a system of self-enforcement to make naturally individualistic humans compliant for maximum profit. The panopticon of slut shaming puts women in a position of monitoring eachother while never being sure if the people in power--men--are really paying attention.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Trojan Makes Another Terrible
Commercial for Tri-Phoria

I mean seriously, who are these ads intended for? The last ad was cheesy as hell and this one is worse. Blow your hair back? For $39.99? Trojan is banking on the fact that women who watch infomercials have never been to a sex toy store, ever.

My favorite part is when the bride-to-be shares with her man that they got not one! not two! but three! Tri-Phorias and he slaps the counter and says "SAWEET!" Surely he's thinking, "One for each of my balls and one for the taint! Best bridal shower EVER!"

The ads for the Trojan Triphoria represent the first sex toy ads ever to screen during primetime, so for that we can thank our pals in Princeton who have the big money to get sex ads on TV.

Still not for sale in Texas though. Sorry, ladies (and gents).

Buy it here!

Most Important Holiday Gift of All

All senior citizens deserve handjobs indeed! You tell 'em, grandma.

How could I have forgotten the Handjob!?! Fortunately my pal Lisa over at Handjob! Customer Service* sent me their brand-spanking [heh] new video just in time for the holiday season.

I'm actually expecting 8 handjobs any day now! Friends and family of Julie Sunday, check your stockings on Christmas morning!

Nothing says "I like you" like a genuine handjob. You deserve it!

* someone clearly won the crown for best business card ever

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

The Moment You've Been Waiting For:
The Go-To Gift Guide!

I think a 4:1 gift ratio is fair: 4 gifts for others, 1 gift for yourself. Check out Babeland's Sexy Holiday Gift Guides if you need more inspiration!

'Tis the season to buy gifts and, if you're like me, you worry over whether the gift you're picking out for your aunt or uncle is just right, and whether it'll actually be used or just wind up in the attic. I don't advocate buying sex-related gifts for family (not even my own family) but when it comes time to pick out something for your friends that will actually be used and enjoyed, sex toys can be just the ticket.

With that, I'd like to bring you some of my picks for this holiday season.

The Gift: The Honeymoon in a Box kit from Babeland.

Who's it for? The couple you still haven't gotten a wedding gift for despite having attended their nuptials months ago. Not long ago I went to a wedding and had a convo with the groom the night before the ceremony about how he wanted something that sounded an awful lot like a vibrating cock ring. This kit covers that base with a ring, a finger vibe, lickable oil, flavored lube, and dirty dice. After being married for 6 months, what better way to bring the Honeymoon back?

The Gift: A Fleshlight.

Who's it for? Your friend who's been deployed, just received a long away-from-home work assignment, or is otherwise in a long-distance relationship. But unless you're besties, don't get this one for someone who's single, becuase that's just awkward.

The Gift: The Lelo Soraya

Who's it for? The girl who has everything (cough cough, this is at the top of my list). This is the most gorgeous "rabbit" style vibrator yet and one-ups Lelo's last effort, the also-gorgeous Ina. The innovation here is the hole in the base, which gives more leverage in a situation where you need all the dexterity you can get. Also, rechargeable and totally waterproof.

The Gift: Jimmyjane Little Afterglow set of massage candles

Who's it for? The couple who's been together for a few years now and could use something fun. I'm a huge fan of massage candles and Jimmyjane's products always have high-quality, nontoxic scents so you can enjoy hot massage oil without the irritation of cheap, chemical smells.

The Gift: Moregasm: Babeland's Guide to Mind-Blowing Sex

Who's it for? Freakin' everyone (yourself included). I just looked at this book the other day and it's awesome. The printing is amazing, the models in the photos are diverse and hot, and the advice, of course, is excellent.

The Gift: Open Invitation (DVD)

Who's it for? That friend you have who watches too much bad porn who you think could really use some hot, high quality material that doesn't contain pop-up ads or crash their hard drive.

The Gift: The Bend-Over Beginner Kit

Who's it for? That couple you know who's been wanting to try anal sex for years but can't work up the nerve. With this kit the female partner can strap-on and bend over her guy, which ought to teach him a thing or two about how to be gentle and patient. Then maybe they'll be ready to try anal. Don't forget the silicone-based lube!

Happy Holidays!
Go-To Girl

Monday, December 6, 2010

Austin-based Fleshlight Totally Better than a Real Woman for Men's Rights Activists

Picture of "better than a woman" Succudry via Gizmodo.

Look, I am all for the fundamental right to have both a partnersex life and a solosex life. Masturbation is key to figuring out what you like sexually and getting it when you have sex with a partner. And Christine O'Donnell is nuts, so no one should ever listen to anything she says, ever. Much of the objection some women have to pornography is that porn is a vehicle for arousal and masturbation--sexual release that doesn't require (and might very well preclude) a partner's participation. Not that we can't watch porn with our partners, masturbate together, and so on, but most of the time, masturbation is a solo activity. In our delusional, fidelity-obsessed, "save it til and for marriage" culture sexual release that falls outside that norm, whether by men (porn) or women (sex toys) is threatening and subject to regulation.

Over at ManBoobz they investigated weird anti-feminist "men's rights activist" blog The Spearhead's terror that The Women are coming for their sacred right to masturbate. Where they're wrong, of course, is accusing feminist women of being anti-masturbation. Indeed, the majority of anti-sex toy laws prohibit items that replace penises (dildos and vibrators, natch), and thereby allow women to achieve sexual satisfaction without a man, assuming that they ever got it from a man in the first place. If there's one thing feminists can agree on, it's vibrators y'all.

The MRA blogger had this to say:

When a man uses a fleshlight he is attacked for being a loser who can’t get laid. This is very similar to the anti-male masturbation shaming language used by religious conservatives. Both groups are worried that men may not be sexually dependent on women. That is what they are really afraid of.
I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. We're worried that men might not be sexually dependent on women? I don't think there's a single shred of evidence to that effect. Fleshlights are so popular because they more closely approximate a vagina than a dude's hand. More than a million of these miraculous, pussy- (or ass, or mouth, or vampire) substitutes have been sold and I have it on good authority from several men that I know and trust that they are well worth the hefty price tag. None of the guys I've known who cop to having Fleshlights have any trouble getting laid, nor would they ever choose their Fleshlight over a real, live female partner--they were just looking for a novel jerk-off tool.

But in the same way that men don't really need to fear being replaced by a vibrator, women shouldn't feel threatened by men's masturbatory habits. One million Fleshlights or not, most men who are otherwise sane and healthy are not going to replace a real-live pussy with a cyberskin substitute that comes in a giant flashlight case. I mean, seriously.

And with that, tomorrow look for Go-To Girl's Holiday Gift Guide which will present must-have sexy gifts for both men and women. And not because we're at war and need to "replace" eachother due to our neverending conflict over who will best "control" their "prey."

Watch a video of the thing an MRA might replace you with. Be afraid ladies. Very, very afraid.

Adam Reviews the Fleshlight Motion from Gizmodo on Vimeo.

Friday, December 3, 2010

How to Date a Feminist:
Who's Running the Fuck?

Gulity as charged! I dig you, Colbert. I dig you hard.

After yesterday's post I got a lot of comments from guys about their frustrations trying to date feminist women, and one in particular I wanted to include here.
The biggest obstacle I've encountered is preparing for the bedroom switch. You spend the whole evening minding your Ps and Qs and then as soon as those clothes come off, you're expected to be a bitch-slapping, play-choking, rough-fucking manimal. Not that all feminists are into that sort of thing, but in my experience, it's more often than not.
I totally get the frustration at having to be all feminist and shit ("Of course I'm pro-choice. I voted for Hillary in the primaries. I volunteer at the rape crisis center.") only to be expected to put on your Manny Manny Man skin when you get back to her place.

I think the flip side to this is that many feminist women (myself included) encounter men who assume that we are totally dominant and that they can kind of kick back and relax in the bedroom. But a female friend expressed her frustration with this attitude thusly:
Sex isn't life, it's an escape from life. I spend my entire life making my own decisions, telling my employees what to do, carefully apportioning my time, etc. When I get in bed, it's a huge relief to let someone else take charge and handle that.
I refer to this as running the fuck. Perhaps therein lies the rub of dating a feminist: men attracted to women who have their shit together might be hoping that they are in for a sexual rollercoaster ride of which they don't have to be the navigator.

Our sexual scripts are based on the "exchange" of women's sex for men's "resources," which puts the man in a position of power and allows for more "natural" male dominance of sexual encounters. Of course, not everyone--male or female, feminist or not--is into this script, but men who date feminists might understandably assume that a woman who subverts gender roles in her everyday might also be interested in subverting gender roles in bed, which might not be the case.

This is not to argue that feminist women are a bunch of pillow princesses who just want to lay back and be serviced (which can itself be a form of domination) but they might not be interested in being in charge, either. The best way to find out is to ask. Or just wrestle and see who comes out on top.

Today is the LAST DAY to vote for How to Have Sex in Texas for Best New Blog in Austin! Please please vote!

Thursday, December 2, 2010

How to Date a Feminist

Please take a second and vote for me for Austin's Best New Blog!

The original dried up, ball-busting career woman I might mention...who's a fashion editor for Vogue.

With the buzz around the hilariously awful International Herald Tribune (which is published by, but not the same thing as, the New York Times) article "Keeping Romance Alive in the Age of Female Empowerment" (or, "How can you possibly expect to find love, you dried up, ball-busting career woman?") I thought it was time to help the boys out with some tips on how to date a feminist.

Amanda Hess's original interview with Jaclyn Friedman and Jezebel's recent series "Fucking While Feminist" addressed the issues feminist women face when trying to date and have sex. Boys, we want to help you get some, promise we do. And in spite of what conservatives love to claim, plenty of men are doggedly interested in dating women who are independent and capable of thinking for themselves.

Many feminist women will be happy to roll with your inadvertently sexist flaws once you're actually dating, but when you're on a first or second or third date and trying to pump up the baloon of interest and desire, one wrong comment can pop it forever.

I asked my smartest, most successful friends to reveal how guys they've dated ruined their chances of getting laid. I should note that all of the women interviewed are professional, graduate-schooled women with their own health insurance. Most are married or engaged. Here are some helpful hints that can help you put your best face forward.


  • Presumptively rent a hotel room or ask if you can sleep over without an invitation. Maybe she does want to sleep with you on the first date, but you're better off not assuming.
  • Tell stories about the "house rats" who hung around your frat in college, "trying to get fucked." On a second date. Really? I can't wait til date #4 when you tell me the cutesy name you had for the girls who passed out and got raped.
  • Inform your wife that she hasn't cooked dinner all week. Unless she has the combination to the safe where all of your cooking supplies are located or both of your legs are in casts, you have no excuse for not getting yourself fed. Or cooking dinner for her, for a change.
  • Talk about how you don't need to get tested. You need to get tested.
  • Claim that nobody who isn't in college uses condoms anymore. Want to get fucked? You need to wear condoms.
  • Admit you think girls make up rape charges because they feel guilty about having sex. They don't.
  • Tell titty jokes.
  • Refuse to have sex with women without Brazilian waxes. Like shaving? Try it yourself.
  • Make comments about other hot chicks in the restaurant/bar/coffee shop where you're meeting.
  • Brag about how much money you make. Chances are good the woman you're going out with has her own job, her own insurance, and doesn't really care about how much money you make as long as you're self-sufficient. Talking about it excessively demonstrates that you think your money is one of your best qualities and, if that's the case, why are you going out with a feminist?
  • Talk about the anti-abortion protest you went to.
  • Refer to a woman you don't like as a "cunt," "ho," "slut," and so on.
  • Mention how big [you think] your dick is.
  • Point out to a woman that she is "opinionated" or "has a lot of opinions." Probably she got those "opinions" during her decades of elite education, and by pointing it out you're revealing that you actually prefer women who aren't opinionated. Which is fine, but then why are you on a date with a feminist?

We're not all negative here at How to Have Sex in Texas, and to prove it here are some Dos. I can't guarantee they'll get you laid but some of you guys need all the help you can get.


  • Carry condoms with you so if you get lucky, you don't look like a chump who assumes unprotected sex is okay. It's not okay.
  • Call on the phone. In the early stages of dating, texting in lieu of calling makes you look like a scrotum.
  • Be up front about any "history" you have. Divorced? No problem. Got herpes? Just disclose.
  • Be psyched if a woman tells you about her sex toys. They're not competitors, they're teammates.
  • Mention that you love going down on women. If you don't, either learn to like it or develop other killer foreplay skills.
  • Go down on her first. This earns you many, many sex karma points. Promise.
  • Ask for consent. Say "I want to fuck you. Is that okay?" And wait for her to say "YES!!!"

Good luck boys.


Julie Sunday

If reading is hard, this video of fellow Bedpost Confessions performer Big Poppa E pretty much sums it up.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Austin Public Clinics to Provide
Opt-Out HIV Testing

Great news via the Statesman.

Seventeen public health clinics operated by Travis County's CommUnityCare will begin providing opt-out HIV testing to adult patients beginning in January. The CDC recommended in 2006 that HIV testing be a part of routine health care for all adults, because the public health authority estimates that a large percentage of those infected with HIV are unaware of their status. Presumptive testing includes HIV in the regular battery of tests an adult receives at a checkup, like blood pressure, cholesterol, and so on, and a patient must "opt-out" not to receive the test.

Presumptive testing is controversial because in public clinics, where patients may have no access to other, expensive health care services (and in Texas, where Medicaid is incredibly restrictive, this is often the reality), an HIV diagnosis could be considered a death sentence. When the New York City health department and hospitals in the Bronx implemented opt-out testing in emergency rooms some HIV rights activists raised concerns that doing so reduced the likelihood that patients would undergo the informed consent process, which (though required by law) has been shown to reduce the chances that a person will get tested. The then-head of the NYC department, Thomas Frieden, is now the head of the CDC.

Considering that Texas has the 4th highest number of AIDS diagnoses in the country, behind epicenter states California, Florida and New York, moving toward presumptive testing is a good idea. I hope that a commitment to providing access to care for those diagnosed with HIV/AIDS will follow, because Texas has the highest percentage of the population without health insurance of any state, and HIV meds are expensive as hell.

Until there's a cure...

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New Use for Texas Social Studies Textbooks: Doggy Style for Short People

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Why not put your Glencoe Health book under that pillow? (Cosmo)

Dear Julie,

I love getting fucked from behind, it's my all time fav position. Problem is, I'm 5 feet tall and my current partner is pushing 6 feet. So unless there's something (a bench or bed at perfect height for example) for me to "prop" myself up on, we find it hard to make it happen. We love switching up location as much as possible so we don't always have the right equipment. Any advice???


Dear Kitty,

As a fellow lady of diminutive stature, I can totally relate to your height disparity problem. But in Texas we're fortunate that the State Board of Education earlier this year approved another mountainous set of textbook requirements, meaning that young'uns all over the state will soon be in possession of yet another 1000 page behemoth, useless textbook to make sex with a partner of great height that much easier.

If you'd prefer not to use textbooks (or, say, aren't in high school), there is a manufacturer making products designed for precisely this type of dilemma: Liberator. The Ramp is designed for just your purpose--and it can be used for other positions to boot. Check out the extensive videos on the website if you need some inspiration (NSFW, but hot). At $145 it's pricey for a pillow, but a good investment for a petite lady who likes it from behind.

If you don't have that much cash to blow on a piece of sex furniture, you may just need to get creative in your locations: find shelves, chairs, high heels, phone books, end tables, desks, counters, and more to get your legs to be as long as your boyfriend's.

Additionally, there are other ways to have sex from behind besides standing up; you can put your head on the floor, on the bed, on a stack of useless Texas-approved textbooks, on the desk, the stairs, whatever happens to be available. Give it a shot. And this one, too. And in case you like a little dose of Disney in your lovin:

The new Social Studies book should come in handy for this one. The "Magic Mountain" (Cosmo)

You can get the sensation of sex from behind at a variety of angles--remember also that you can sit on top of your man, facing his feet, and whatever he's hitting inside you from behind will get stimulated that way as well.

In case none of these tricks work, here's Cosmo's best advice for attracting hot dudes "like crazy"--maybe you can find someone closer to your own height.

Good luck!


PS-Won't you please vote for me for Best New Blog in Austin? Thanks!