Gulity as charged! I dig you, Colbert. I dig you hard.
After yesterday's post I got a lot of comments from guys about their frustrations trying to date feminist women, and one in particular I wanted to include here.
The biggest obstacle I've encountered is preparing for the bedroom switch. You spend the whole evening minding your Ps and Qs and then as soon as those clothes come off, you're expected to be a bitch-slapping, play-choking, rough-fucking manimal. Not that all feminists are into that sort of thing, but in my experience, it's more often than not.I totally get the frustration at having to be all feminist and shit ("Of course I'm pro-choice. I voted for Hillary in the primaries. I volunteer at the rape crisis center.") only to be expected to put on your Manny Manny Man skin when you get back to her place.
I think the flip side to this is that many feminist women (myself included) encounter men who assume that we are totally dominant and that they can kind of kick back and relax in the bedroom. But a female friend expressed her frustration with this attitude thusly:
Sex isn't life, it's an escape from life. I spend my entire life making my own decisions, telling my employees what to do, carefully apportioning my time, etc. When I get in bed, it's a huge relief to let someone else take charge and handle that.I refer to this as running the fuck. Perhaps therein lies the rub of dating a feminist: men attracted to women who have their shit together might be hoping that they are in for a sexual rollercoaster ride of which they don't have to be the navigator.
Our sexual scripts are based on the "exchange" of women's sex for men's "resources," which puts the man in a position of power and allows for more "natural" male dominance of sexual encounters. Of course, not everyone--male or female, feminist or not--is into this script, but men who date feminists might understandably assume that a woman who subverts gender roles in her everyday might also be interested in subverting gender roles in bed, which might not be the case.
This is not to argue that feminist women are a bunch of pillow princesses who just want to lay back and be serviced (which can itself be a form of domination) but they might not be interested in being in charge, either. The best way to find out is to ask. Or just wrestle and see who comes out on top.
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