Austin-based Fleshlight Totally Better than a Real Woman for Men's Rights Activists

Picture of "better than a woman" Succudry via Gizmodo.

Look, I am all for the fundamental right to have both a partnersex life and a solosex life. Masturbation is key to figuring out what you like sexually and getting it when you have sex with a partner. And Christine O'Donnell is nuts, so no one should ever listen to anything she says, ever. Much of the objection some women have to pornography is that porn is a vehicle for arousal and masturbation--sexual release that doesn't require (and might very well preclude) a partner's participation. Not that we can't watch porn with our partners, masturbate together, and so on, but most of the time, masturbation is a solo activity. In our delusional, fidelity-obsessed, "save it til and for marriage" culture sexual release that falls outside that norm, whether by men (porn) or women (sex toys) is threatening and subject to regulation.

Over at ManBoobz they investigated weird anti-feminist "men's rights activist" blog The Spearhead's terror that The Women are coming for their sacred right to masturbate. Where they're wrong, of course, is accusing feminist women of being anti-masturbation. Indeed, the majority of anti-sex toy laws prohibit items that replace penises (dildos and vibrators, natch), and thereby allow women to achieve sexual satisfaction without a man, assuming that they ever got it from a man in the first place. If there's one thing feminists can agree on, it's vibrators y'all.

The MRA blogger had this to say:

When a man uses a fleshlight he is attacked for being a loser who can’t get laid. This is very similar to the anti-male masturbation shaming language used by religious conservatives. Both groups are worried that men may not be sexually dependent on women. That is what they are really afraid of.

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. We're worried that men might not be sexually dependent on women? I don't think there's a single shred of evidence to that effect. Fleshlights are so popular because they more closely approximate a vagina than a dude's hand. More than a million of these miraculous, pussy- (or ass, or mouth, or vampire) substitutes have been sold and I have it on good authority from several men that I know and trust that they are well worth the hefty price tag. None of the guys I've known who cop to having Fleshlights have any trouble getting laid, nor would they ever choose their Fleshlight over a real, live female partner--they were just looking for a novel jerk-off tool.

But in the same way that men don't really need to fear being replaced by a vibrator, women shouldn't feel threatened by men's masturbatory habits. One million Fleshlights or not, most men who are otherwise sane and healthy are not going to replace a real-live pussy with a cyberskin substitute that comes in a giant flashlight case. I mean, seriously.

And with that, tomorrow look for Go-To Girl's Holiday Gift Guide which will present must-have sexy gifts for both men and women. And not because we're at war and need to "replace" eachother due to our neverending conflict over who will best "control" their "prey."

Watch a video of the thing an MRA might replace you with. Be afraid ladies. Very, very afraid.

Adam Reviews the Fleshlight Motion from Gizmodo on Vimeo.