Thursday, March 4, 2010

UT System Elects First Woman Chair:
Better Warn Her About Hook-Up Culture

Memo to McHugh: College Girls Are Going WILD!

From the Statesman: the University of Texas System Board of Regents unanimously elected a woman, Colleen McHugh, to be its leader this week. This continues the terrifying trend in higher education of women dominating everything.

At the University of Texas, a staggering 51.5% of undergraduates are female. Texas A & M is keeping its 48% of female undergradutes in their place. Gig 'em! Texas Tech is leading the pack with a safe 44% female student body. Guns Up, indeed.

Everyone knows that when women outnumber men in an institution, the "price" of sex declines and "hooking up," or the practice of, ahem, watching the preview before committing to buy the DVD, becomes the primary way in which men and women relate to eachother. And the documentary video footage of the Girls Gone Wild franchise proves that college girls are not only going wild, they are veritably SEX STARVED! Look out!

Thankfully for McHugh, everyone from the Heritage Foundation to the Independent Women's Forum to your surrogate spinster aunt Laura Sessions Stepp is eager to protect young women by shouting that hooking up is a roll of the dice! What are your chances of perfect sixes every time?!? It's not clear what they think coeds want by way of a pair of "perfect sixes" (not a college education, apparently) but they are convinced girls aren't getting it.

For those women who have been taken in by the hookup culture, Dr. Miriam Grossman (formerly a physician at UCLA's student health center who has myseriously been relocated [read: fired] to the conservative chattersphere) is here to scold you and tell you that you better stop hooking up and start trying to get married, because your fertility is a window of opportunity that will close; the rectum is an exit, not an entrance; because of chemicals in the brain, when you hook up with a guy he's all you can think about (right?), he can't even remember your name; because you're drunk you can't tell how ugly the guy is anyway; and really, you should be saving it for marriage. By which she means trying to get married. Right now.

The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Booby Trap
Daily Show
Full Episodes
Political HumorHealth Care Reform

Girls were Going Wild when I was in college 10 years ago (!) but I managed to come out alive. I wish Ms. McHugh the best of luck surviving the UT System with her dignity (and cervix) intact. Because these sex starved college coeds will stop at nothing to get what they want! Are you ready to give it to 'em?

No comments:

Post a Comment