Second Bad Texas High School Sports News Story of the Day

via the Houston Press. A high school softball player was outed to her mother by her coaches and then kicked off the team. Possibly because the player was dating an ex of one of the coaches. Girl and mother are suing the school district. For chrissakes Texas school districts, stop doing illegal shit to your female athletes!

Silsbee, Texas Cheerleader Appealing to U.S. Supreme Court

Update on the case of a Silsbee, Texas cheerleader who was kicked off the team after refusing to participate in individual cheers for the basketball player who raped her. The girl took her high school to court and lost, and now she's appealing to the U.S. Supreme Court.

According to an article in the San Francisco Chronicle,

The case has drawn national attention since a federal appeals court in New Orleans ruled in September that the cheerleader was speaking for the school, not herself, and had no right to remain silent when called on to shout the athlete's name. Legal commentators said the ruling illustrated courts' increasingly restrictive view of free speech on campus.

How bad could the cheer have possibly been, you ask? Surely she couldn't object to something like, "Rakheem, Rakheem, you're so great, get that pitch over home plate?" (Okay, I know he was a basketball player and not a pitcher, but I'm not good at making up cheers) No, the cheer wasn't something innocuous at all. It was

2, 4, 6, 8, 10, come on, Rakheem, put it in

Not so hard to imagine now why the girl didn't want to participate.

Racist Anti-Abortion Campaign Comes to Austin

"The most dangerous place for some children is in the womb."

The Majella Society, d/b/a Heroic Media, is Austin's own do-nothing anti-abortion propaganda provider and they're back in force with this new, racist billboard on I-35 south at 8th street near downtown. It appears that this billboard is part of a larger campaign targeting black women, like the one reported in Atlanta earlier this year, and this message represents an interesting change for Heroic, which has typically focused on "Pregnant? Scared?" messages.

Last year Majella ran the "I Am A Life" ad during the season premiere of CSI: Miami, which is a CBS show. RH Reality Check reported in February that the Atlanta billboards were owned by CBS Outdoor and that CBS, which broadcast the Superbowl this year, allowed the tacky Tim Tebow anti-abortion commercial paid for by Focus on the Family.

On the website mentioned in the billboard above, there are several videos, including the one below. While the video itself doesn't explicitly say that African American women are contributing to black genocide, the Youtube handle of the uploader is "PPAbortsAA." The video itself includes language like "baby daddy" and the woman and the child presented--who is not an infant--are both black. The rest of the ads on Dangerousplace.org feature non-white women and children, too.



The downloadable "fact sheet" is also clearly targeting black women, and includes several spurious "facts" about abortion among African Americans. The website also links from this factoid: "In 2007, one pro-choice organization made only 4,912 adoption referrals while performing 305,310 abortions" to PPAbortsAA.org, which has the below super-obvious image on the homepage.



The text on the homepage is below:

Planned Parenthood's actions are the ultimate exploitation of African American women and an assault on the dignity of life. Planned Parenthood founder Margaret Sanger had a plan. She wasn't interested in removing the cause of poverty, illiteracy, illegitimate births, or other social ills, she just wanted to eliminate the result, the pregnancy, ...the innocent life. She wanted to, "stop the reproduction of the unfit". Please help us, provide another voice for African Americans to listen to, to choose. A voice that encourages the heroic decision to become a mother.

And so on. But the curious thing is that, according to Statehealthfacts.org, black women in Texas account for a lower percentage of abortions in the state (23.2%) as compared to the national proportion (35%), and this Guttmacher report shows that black Texas teens have an abortion rate less than half (20) that of the national rate of 44. This may be more of an indication of how hard it is to get abortions in Texas, but regardless, there is not a "black abortion epidemic" in Texas.

So why Austin? The Census Bureau shows only 8% of the population here is black, as compared to 18% in Houston and 20% in Dallas. My money is on the Legislative session, which convenes on January 11th. The billboard's proximity to the capitol suggests the target of these ads may not be black women at all, but those in power who have the ability to make abortion that much harder to get for all women.

How to Talk Dirty Part 2: Opening Your Mouth

image from my great pals at Where is Your Line

"How do I talk dirty?" is a something every sex expert gets asked all the time. It's one of those questions that is easily answered--when in doubt, just narrate!--but people are so nervous about what they sound like during sex that they want to find a script they can memorize that will provide a Guaranteed Hot Sexy Time. But the thing is, everybody feels differently about how a hookup should sound: some people want a play-by-play, some want to be bossed around, and others prefer a kind of hot, tense silence. I think humans can generally be divided into three broad categories: breathers, moaners, and talkers.

Breathers might not make much noise but will breathe in ways that, if interpreted correctly, are totally hot. Especially if they're breathing heavily in your ear while sucking on your earlobe. Or whatever.

Moaners moan without having to try; they get hit in the right spot or licked in the right way and they can't not make noise.

Talkers can be good talkers or bad talkers. Good talkers say things that are hot and make you feel good; bad talkers make inappropriate comments and kill the mood.

Becoming a Moaner

If you're shy or just naturally quiet during sex, don't fake moaning; just try to identify the times and feelings that elicit heavy breathing and try to add a little bit of a moan to the mix. Eventually, moans will come to you naturally. But don't overdo it: not everything should make you moan like you're about to come. The person pleasing you wants to earn those sounds. There's nothing worse than hearing someone howl repeatedly like the star of "Cum Guzzling Cheerleaders Part 7."

If you're such a moaner that you do really sound like a pornstar, try gagging yourself or putting a pillow over your face. It will be that much hotter when you can moan again.

Talking Dirty to Get Consent

One of the most vexing issues around consent is that everyone assumes it's a total boner-killer to stop, negotiate, agree to Sex Acts A and B but not C, and recommence where you left off. But getting consent can easily be worked into your sexy talk. If you want to give consent, few things are hotter to a partner than hearing you say, "I want you to ____ me." And if you want to ask for consent, say, "I really want to ____ you. Is that okay?" wait for them to say "yes," and, voila! You have consent.

How to Talk

Talking dirty, for those to whom it doesn't come naturally, is an art form that can take an average sexual experience all the way to awesome. If your partner asks you to talk dirty to them, here are a few places to start:

"I can't wait to ____ you"
"Your ____ feels so fucking good"
"I love it when you ____ me"
"Your ____ gets so ____ when I ____ it"
"Your ____ is going to make me come"

What Not to Say

Some people are Directors and want to be in charge and running the show during sex. I would encourage you--particularly men--to use caution before being too bossy. For some women, hearing something that sounds word for word like what guys say in porn movies can be a turnoff, triggering*, or both. There is a world of difference between talking about the shared experience you're having with a partner ("It's so hot when you suck my cock") and making a partner feel like they're at the service of your sexual pleasure alone ("Suck my cock, yeah you love it you little slut, don't you?").

Dos and Don'ts

• Do: the first time you hook up with someone, you should tell them they're beautiful/so fucking hot/gorgeous. Doing this a) makes clear to your partner that you think they're so fucking hot and b) is just good policy.
• Do: Get--and give--consent. "I want you to ___ me" is one of the hottest things a person can hear.
• Don't: Use porn-tastic language without clearing it with your partner first. Some women are going to be super turned on by hearing "Yeah, take my big cock you little whore" but others are going to reel back and punch you in the face. So ask.
• Do: Ask for what you want. If it really turns you on to be called "Daddy," or "Kitten" or "Boy Scout" or whatever, say so.
• Don't: Bite your tongue out of nervousness. Whatever sound you make, if genuine, will be hot.
• Do: Give praise. "Yeah, that feels so fucking good" is a great thing to say under any circumstances and doesn't force you to say words that might be hard to say at first, like "pussy" or "cock."
• Don't: Say the same thing every time. Your partner will remember if you said "I love it when your ____ gets tight when I ____ you" the last ten times you ____ed them.

I love it when you ____ my ____,
Julie Sunday


*A trigger is something that sets off a memory tape or flashback transporting the person back to the event of her/his original trauma.

How to Talk Dirty Part 1: The Narrator vs. The Director

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

He Comes Last: Ian Kerner Discovers Raunch Culture 5 Years Late

Kerner: I'll make you come first, OR ELSE

If you've read "She Comes First" and "He Comes Next" you're well aware of the cringeworthy, self-hating* tone of Dr. Kerner's creepy female-worshipping works. To be clear, I'm not opposed to his core idea that women should come first, but Kerner makes clear that he wants to prioritize female pleasure to compensate for that facet of masculinity that can be, shall we say, uncooperative. All the pussy-eating in the world won't distract her forever from the fact that your dick won't get hard, buddy. Sorry.

So in his phoned-it-in blog post for CNN's The Chart Kerner has apparently taken his face out of the vag long enough to notice American "raunch culture." Kerner is Very Concerned:

In the age of Snooki, "Girls Gone Wild," and Tila Tequila, where on Earth is a young woman supposed to find positive female role models? And how are our boys going to grow up to respect female sexuality when the girls themselves seem to be throwing all sexual caution to the wind? From sexting to the mainstreaming of amateur pornography, a new culture of raunchiness has emerged, one in which women aren’t just participating—they’re often taking the lead.

Hear that ladies? Don't expect respect when women who aren't you are captured on video doing things they probably didn't want to do anyway. Apparently the apex of raunch culture is creating a perpetually throbbing hard-on in our nation's young men rendering them completely incapable of respecting women. And you know what ladies? It's all your fault.

Except Kerner has kind of missed the boat: the peak of raunchy public female sexuality that Ariel Levy wrote about in "Female Chauvinist Pigs" in 2006 has actually kindof passed. Joe Francis got married, Tila Tequila is adopting a baby and Jenna Jameson isn't even doing porn anymore. JWOWW's decidedly raunch fashion line, "Filthy Couture," never even shipped.**

What Kerner doesn't seem to realize is that Snooki and the Jersey Shore team are parodies of a raunch culture now so passe the only place those so five minutes ago Ed Hardy fashions can be worn is in an imaginary, retrograde South Jersey fantasyland. Bad for MTV, good for the rest of us.

And Kerner might take notice that two women were this close to the Oval Office two years ago and are in awesome or terrifying positions of power right now. Obviously heralding feminist achievement doesn't get CNN pageviews but Kerner ought to take his face out of the muff long enough to take notice of Hillary, Sarah, Nancy, Tina Fey, and any number of the tons of awesome female role models out there. Are there enough women in positions of real power? Of course not. But there are more than enough to provide real alternatives to parents who feel overwhelmed by the Snookis and Tila Tequilas of the world.










*"He Comes Next" doesn't even appear on Kerner's own website listing of books he's written. This guy really, really doesn't think you deserve blow jobs, guys.





**the link http://filthycouture.com/ automatically redirects to http://jwoww.com/ now.

The Anti-Gift Guide: Tajazzle

Via Gawker.


Do you need a 3 step system (a $200 value) to make your vagina even remotely palatable to your greaseball boyfriend? Are you sure he isn't gay? Well, if you insist, I guess you could think about using Tajazzle, the knockoff, downscale, Jersey Shore version of LA "sensation" Vajazzling. It's the Ultimate in Personal Confidence!

But if you buy the Tajazzle sensational confidence-building system you won't have only a vagina with a cheap rhinestone tattoo, you'll also get some "powder" made with the "finest, all-natural ingredients" to "keep you dry when it gets hot." (I hate to be a curmudgeon here, but isn't being wet when things "get hot" sort of the point?) You also get Tajazzle Flavor roll-on, which I'm guessing are upcycled leftover roll-on lip glosses from the 1980s. If you order now you'll get raspberry and honey flavors to roll on all your...private areas. So...um...delicious sounding.

You can "live your fantasy as a Radiant Goddess" with Tajazzle and, I'm not making this up, "Put some bling in your fling." As they say, "It's totally empowering to be wearing so little and still have something very secret only someone special can see."

I think we clearly need to add "Tajazzle" to our lexicon. Anyone have suggestions for what the word should mean? Leave them in the comments.

Can't get enough of the horrible infomercial? Watch part 2!

The Electric Kool-Aid Syphilis Test

How fortuitous that I happen to be reading Tom Wolfe's hallucinogenic masterpiece right now, because my first thought upon seeing this super weird 1970s cartoon syphilis video produced by the Navy is how incredible it would be to watch it on acid. Which, in the Navy in the 1970s, might have been just the state of mind in which many viewers saw this film.

The video sets up an award show in which Venereal Disease, and specifically Syphilis and Gonorrhea, win the award for "Communicable Disease of the Year" against such worthy adversaries as smallpox, the common cold, and scarlet fever. The show's MC explains that, while each of the other contenders has made their own splash, syphilis has stood the test of time and has been with us humans for centuries.

What follows is an accurate and entertaining (at least for sexual health nerds like me who love syphilis) history of the infection. Like many contemporary sex ed videos, the narration fails to mention that, you know, condoms help prevent syphilis and gonorrhea. But that's neither here nor there--this is a historical gem.

Of course Texas has been a trendsetter in the retro syphilis sensation of the past decade and we're real proud of that but we could all stand to learn a little somethin' about the syph.

Texas to Receive Millions in Federal Anti-Trafficking Funds?

Texas is widely considered a hub for human trafficking and by some estimates, 25% of all human trafficking victims wind up in the Lone Star State. Dallas Cowboys stadium will play host to the Superbowl in 2011 and in preparation the state Attorney General Greg Abbott is committing funds to fight the "influx of human trafficking" expected to take place around the event.

From the Star-Telegram:

Abbott cited a report from a Florida task force estimating that tens of thousands of women and minors were trafficked in the Miami area during the last Super Bowl. The game is considered "one of the biggest human-trafficking events in the United States," he said. "We know that the sex traffickers and the girls they enslave are going to be out in full force," Abbott said. "We are going to be helping out by putting boots on the ground."

The lege has made efforts to increase punishment for "traffickers" (read: pimps) to 25 years in prison, at least half of which must be served before parole, among other consequences. Change.org called last month for more support for shelters for victims of trafficking and, lo and behold, a $15 million per year bill to establish support services for victims of trafficking sponsored by Our Fair Senator John Cornyn (R-TX) has just passed the Senate unanimously.*

If the bill passes the House, the grant program would provide funding for 6 states to pilot services for victims and to increase prosecution of pimps and traffickers.

Speaking of which, Youthradio.org's recent story on human trafficking revealed one pimp's "business plan" which, suprisingly, did not include any mention whatsoever of the Big Game this February. The Pimp Author did talk about setting up an "international operation" and attending the Players Ball in Las Vegas, so perhaps the federal prosecutors should go there instead of trying to use government money to score tickets to the Superbowl.

Or get in touch with Big Al in Florida.




*How interesting that a press release heralding this bill's passage appears on the cosponsor's (Wyden, D-OR) Senate webpage but not Cornyn's.

The Panopticon of Slut Shaming

A panopticon prison at Presidio Modelo, Isla De la Juventud, Cuba.


Roy Baumeister, author of "Sexual Economics: Sex as Female Resource for Social Exchange in Heterosexual Interactions," which blew my mind when I read it on Mark Regnerus' recommendation a few years ago, has a new book out, Is There Anything Good About Men? I sure hope he answers that question, because I'm dying to know.

In a recent blog post on the Oxford University Press website, Baumeister writes that men incur more "costs" for sex, by which he means men "pay" more for it. Women suffer more "consequences" for sex, which can be measured in social "cost." Case in point: a woman's "value" goes down if she gets a reputation for "selling" at too low a price, i.e., being labeled a "slut."

Baumeister argues that by every available measure, men have a higher sex drive than women. While I agree that by the indicators currently available (including frequency of fantasy, sex, and masturbation) men do show a higher desire than women, he fails to note that we don't yet have a way of measuring how women are successfully curbed by our social system that promises punishment if they act out sexually and that they are collectively responsible for their own sexual regulation. He might want to check in with Cindy Meston about this question.

I can't imagine a more effective way of curbing sex drive than by the constant threat of disease, social ostracism, and possibly death(!!!). Patrick Carnes, the founder of the Gentle Path sex addiction treatment program, writes about the effectiveness of sex-negative culture at causing "sexual anorexia" in his book by the same name(p. 47). Sexual anorexia creates in its sufferers a fear of sexuality and its consequences so great that all desires are sublimated.

Baumeister (and Kathleen Vohs, with whom he has written about sexual economics) makes the clear case in his seminal article that women moderate their sexual behavior because they want (and need) to maintain their social and sexual "value" by selling at a high price to get men's "resources." Regnerus supports this finding in his new book on college student sexual behavior, Premarital Sex in America.

On college campuses, the fiercest guards of sexual behavior are women, not men. Women police eachother's sexual behavior and shame eachother for "selling" at too low a price: witness the number of girls who spread rumors about so-and-so's having sex under the wrong circumstances, with the wrong guy, or with too great a frequency. You see this shaming at its ugliest when women respond to another woman's sexual assault with questions about whether she was really raped at all.

The idea, of course, is that if a woman you associate with sells at a low price that affects your own value, so you can slut-shame her away from you and maintain your own high price. Men don't care--they'll take whatever sex they can get.

Foucault described the panopticon, a prison where the guard can see all inmates at once but they can't tell if they're really being watched, as the perfect way to create a system of self-enforcement to make naturally individualistic humans compliant for maximum profit. The panopticon of slut shaming puts women in a position of monitoring eachother while never being sure if the people in power--men--are really paying attention.

Trojan Makes Another Terrible Commercial for Tri-Phoria

I mean seriously, who are these ads intended for? The last ad was cheesy as hell and this one is worse. Blow your hair back? For $39.99? Trojan is banking on the fact that women who watch infomercials have never been to a sex toy store, ever.

My favorite part is when the bride-to-be shares with her man that they got not one! not two! but three! Tri-Phorias and he slaps the counter and says "SAWEET!" Surely he's thinking, "One for each of my balls and one for the taint! Best bridal shower EVER!"

The ads for the Trojan Triphoria represent the first sex toy ads ever to screen during primetime, so for that we can thank our pals in Princeton who have the big money to get sex ads on TV.

Still not for sale in Texas though. Sorry, ladies (and gents).


Buy it here!

Most Important Holiday Gift of All

All senior citizens deserve handjobs indeed! You tell 'em, grandma.

How could I have forgotten the Handjob!?! Fortunately my pal Lisa over at Handjob! Customer Service* sent me their brand-spanking [heh] new video just in time for the holiday season.

I'm actually expecting 8 handjobs any day now! Friends and family of Julie Sunday, check your stockings on Christmas morning!

Nothing says "I like you" like a genuine handjob. You deserve it!

* someone clearly won the crown for best business card ever

The Moment You've Been Waiting For: The Go-To Gift Guide!

I think a 4:1 gift ratio is fair: 4 gifts for others, 1 gift for yourself. Check out Babeland's Sexy Holiday Gift Guides if you need more inspiration!

'Tis the season to buy gifts and, if you're like me, you worry over whether the gift you're picking out for your aunt or uncle is just right, and whether it'll actually be used or just wind up in the attic. I don't advocate buying sex-related gifts for family (not even my own family) but when it comes time to pick out something for your friends that will actually be used and enjoyed, sex toys can be just the ticket.

With that, I'd like to bring you some of my picks for this holiday season.

The Gift: The Honeymoon in a Box kit from Babeland.

Who's it for? The couple you still haven't gotten a wedding gift for despite having attended their nuptials months ago. Not long ago I went to a wedding and had a convo with the groom the night before the ceremony about how he wanted something that sounded an awful lot like a vibrating cock ring. This kit covers that base with a ring, a finger vibe, lickable oil, flavored lube, and dirty dice. After being married for 6 months, what better way to bring the Honeymoon back?

The Gift: A Fleshlight.

Who's it for? Your friend who's been deployed, just received a long away-from-home work assignment, or is otherwise in a long-distance relationship. But unless you're besties, don't get this one for someone who's single, becuase that's just awkward.



The Gift: The Lelo Soraya

Who's it for? The girl who has everything (cough cough, this is at the top of my list). This is the most gorgeous "rabbit" style vibrator yet and one-ups Lelo's last effort, the also-gorgeous Ina. The innovation here is the hole in the base, which gives more leverage in a situation where you need all the dexterity you can get. Also, rechargeable and totally waterproof.

The Gift: Jimmyjane Little Afterglow set of massage candles

Who's it for? The couple who's been together for a few years now and could use something fun. I'm a huge fan of massage candles and Jimmyjane's products always have high-quality, nontoxic scents so you can enjoy hot massage oil without the irritation of cheap, chemical smells.

The Gift: Moregasm: Babeland's Guide to Mind-Blowing Sex

Who's it for? Freakin' everyone (yourself included). I just looked at this book the other day and it's awesome. The printing is amazing, the models in the photos are diverse and hot, and the advice, of course, is excellent.

The Gift: Open Invitation (DVD)

Who's it for? That friend you have who watches too much bad porn who you think could really use some hot, high quality material that doesn't contain pop-up ads or crash their hard drive.

The Gift: The Bend-Over Beginner Kit

Who's it for? That couple you know who's been wanting to try anal sex for years but can't work up the nerve. With this kit the female partner can strap-on and bend over her guy, which ought to teach him a thing or two about how to be gentle and patient. Then maybe they'll be ready to try anal. Don't forget the silicone-based lube!

Happy Holidays!

Go-To Girl

Austin-based Fleshlight Totally Better than a Real Woman for Men's Rights Activists

Picture of "better than a woman" Succudry via Gizmodo.

Look, I am all for the fundamental right to have both a partnersex life and a solosex life. Masturbation is key to figuring out what you like sexually and getting it when you have sex with a partner. And Christine O'Donnell is nuts, so no one should ever listen to anything she says, ever. Much of the objection some women have to pornography is that porn is a vehicle for arousal and masturbation--sexual release that doesn't require (and might very well preclude) a partner's participation. Not that we can't watch porn with our partners, masturbate together, and so on, but most of the time, masturbation is a solo activity. In our delusional, fidelity-obsessed, "save it til and for marriage" culture sexual release that falls outside that norm, whether by men (porn) or women (sex toys) is threatening and subject to regulation.

Over at ManBoobz they investigated weird anti-feminist "men's rights activist" blog The Spearhead's terror that The Women are coming for their sacred right to masturbate. Where they're wrong, of course, is accusing feminist women of being anti-masturbation. Indeed, the majority of anti-sex toy laws prohibit items that replace penises (dildos and vibrators, natch), and thereby allow women to achieve sexual satisfaction without a man, assuming that they ever got it from a man in the first place. If there's one thing feminists can agree on, it's vibrators y'all.

The MRA blogger had this to say:

When a man uses a fleshlight he is attacked for being a loser who can’t get laid. This is very similar to the anti-male masturbation shaming language used by religious conservatives. Both groups are worried that men may not be sexually dependent on women. That is what they are really afraid of.

I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. We're worried that men might not be sexually dependent on women? I don't think there's a single shred of evidence to that effect. Fleshlights are so popular because they more closely approximate a vagina than a dude's hand. More than a million of these miraculous, pussy- (or ass, or mouth, or vampire) substitutes have been sold and I have it on good authority from several men that I know and trust that they are well worth the hefty price tag. None of the guys I've known who cop to having Fleshlights have any trouble getting laid, nor would they ever choose their Fleshlight over a real, live female partner--they were just looking for a novel jerk-off tool.

But in the same way that men don't really need to fear being replaced by a vibrator, women shouldn't feel threatened by men's masturbatory habits. One million Fleshlights or not, most men who are otherwise sane and healthy are not going to replace a real-live pussy with a cyberskin substitute that comes in a giant flashlight case. I mean, seriously.

And with that, tomorrow look for Go-To Girl's Holiday Gift Guide which will present must-have sexy gifts for both men and women. And not because we're at war and need to "replace" eachother due to our neverending conflict over who will best "control" their "prey."

Watch a video of the thing an MRA might replace you with. Be afraid ladies. Very, very afraid.

Adam Reviews the Fleshlight Motion from Gizmodo on Vimeo.

How to Date a Feminist: Who's Running the Fuck?

Gulity as charged! I dig you, Colbert. I dig you hard.

After yesterday's post I got a lot of comments from guys about their frustrations trying to date feminist women, and one in particular I wanted to include here.

The biggest obstacle I've encountered is preparing for the bedroom switch. You spend the whole evening minding your Ps and Qs and then as soon as those clothes come off, you're expected to be a bitch-slapping, play-choking, rough-fucking manimal. Not that all feminists are into that sort of thing, but in my experience, it's more often than not.

I totally get the frustration at having to be all feminist and shit ("Of course I'm pro-choice. I voted for Hillary in the primaries. I volunteer at the rape crisis center.") only to be expected to put on your Manny Manny Man skin when you get back to her place.



I think the flip side to this is that many feminist women (myself included) encounter men who assume that we are totally dominant and that they can kind of kick back and relax in the bedroom. But a female friend expressed her frustration with this attitude thusly:

Sex isn't life, it's an escape from life. I spend my entire life making my own decisions, telling my employees what to do, carefully apportioning my time, etc. When I get in bed, it's a huge relief to let someone else take charge and handle that.

I refer to this as running the fuck. Perhaps therein lies the rub of dating a feminist: men attracted to women who have their shit together might be hoping that they are in for a sexual rollercoaster ride of which they don't have to be the navigator.

Our sexual scripts are based on the "exchange" of women's sex for men's "resources," which puts the man in a position of power and allows for more "natural" male dominance of sexual encounters. Of course, not everyone--male or female, feminist or not--is into this script, but men who date feminists might understandably assume that a woman who subverts gender roles in her everyday might also be interested in subverting gender roles in bed, which might not be the case.

This is not to argue that feminist women are a bunch of pillow princesses who just want to lay back and be serviced (which can itself be a form of domination) but they might not be interested in being in charge, either. The best way to find out is to ask. Or just wrestle and see who comes out on top.


Today is the LAST DAY to vote for How to Have Sex in Texas for Best New Blog in Austin! Please please vote!

How to Date a Feminist

Please take a second and vote for me for Austin's Best New Blog!


The original dried up, ball-busting career woman I might mention...who's a fashion editor for Vogue.

With the buzz around the hilariously awful International Herald Tribune (which is published by, but not the same thing as, the New York Times) article "Keeping Romance Alive in the Age of Female Empowerment" (or, "How can you possibly expect to find love, you dried up, ball-busting career woman?") I thought it was time to help the boys out with some tips on how to date a feminist.

Amanda Hess's original interview with Jaclyn Friedman and Jezebel's recent series "Fucking While Feminist" addressed the issues feminist women face when trying to date and have sex. Boys, we want to help you get some, promise we do. And in spite of what conservatives love to claim, plenty of men are doggedly interested in dating women who are independent and capable of thinking for themselves.

Many feminist women will be happy to roll with your inadvertently sexist flaws once you're actually dating, but when you're on a first or second or third date and trying to pump up the baloon of interest and desire, one wrong comment can pop it forever.

I asked my smartest, most successful friends to reveal how guys they've dated ruined their chances of getting laid. I should note that all of the women interviewed are professional, graduate-schooled women with their own health insurance. Most are married or engaged. Here are some helpful hints that can help you put your best face forward.

DON'T:

• Presumptively rent a hotel room or ask if you can sleep over without an invitation. Maybe she does want to sleep with you on the first date, but you're better off not assuming.
• Tell stories about the "house rats" who hung around your frat in college, "trying to get fucked." On a second date. Really? I can't wait til date #4 when you tell me the cutesy name you had for the girls who passed out and got raped.
• Inform your wife that she hasn't cooked dinner all week. Unless she has the combination to the safe where all of your cooking supplies are located or both of your legs are in casts, you have no excuse for not getting yourself fed. Or cooking dinner for her, for a change.
• Talk about how you don't need to get tested. You need to get tested.
• Claim that nobody who isn't in college uses condoms anymore. Want to get fucked? You need to wear condoms.
• Admit you think girls make up rape charges because they feel guilty about having sex. They don't.
• Tell titty jokes.
• Refuse to have sex with women without Brazilian waxes. Like shaving? Try it yourself.
• Make comments about other hot chicks in the restaurant/bar/coffee shop where you're meeting.
• Brag about how much money you make. Chances are good the woman you're going out with has her own job, her own insurance, and doesn't really care about how much money you make as long as you're self-sufficient. Talking about it excessively demonstrates that you think your money is one of your best qualities and, if that's the case, why are you going out with a feminist?
• Talk about the anti-abortion protest you went to.
• Refer to a woman you don't like as a "cunt," "ho," "slut," and so on.
• Mention how big [you think] your dick is.
• Point out to a woman that she is "opinionated" or "has a lot of opinions." Probably she got those "opinions" during her decades of elite education, and by pointing it out you're revealing that you actually prefer women who aren't opinionated. Which is fine, but then why are you on a date with a feminist?

We're not all negative here at How to Have Sex in Texas, and to prove it here are some Dos. I can't guarantee they'll get you laid but some of you guys need all the help you can get.

DO:

• Carry condoms with you so if you get lucky, you don't look like a chump who assumes unprotected sex is okay. It's not okay.
• Call on the phone. In the early stages of dating, texting in lieu of calling makes you look like a scrotum.
• Be up front about any "history" you have. Divorced? No problem. Got herpes? Just disclose.
• Be psyched if a woman tells you about her sex toys. They're not competitors, they're teammates.
• Mention that you love going down on women. If you don't, either learn to like it or develop other killer foreplay skills.
• Go down on her first. This earns you many, many sex karma points. Promise.
• Ask for consent. Say "I want to fuck you. Is that okay?" And wait for her to say "YES!!!"

Good luck boys.

XOXO,

Julie Sunday

If reading is hard, this video of fellow Bedpost Confessions performer Big Poppa E pretty much sums it up.

Austin Public Clinics to Provide Opt-Out HIV Testing

Great news via the Statesman.

Seventeen public health clinics operated by Travis County's CommUnityCare will begin providing opt-out HIV testing to adult patients beginning in January. The CDC recommended in 2006 that HIV testing be a part of routine health care for all adults, because the public health authority estimates that a large percentage of those infected with HIV are unaware of their status. Presumptive testing includes HIV in the regular battery of tests an adult receives at a checkup, like blood pressure, cholesterol, and so on, and a patient must "opt-out" not to receive the test.

Presumptive testing is controversial because in public clinics, where patients may have no access to other, expensive health care services (and in Texas, where Medicaid is incredibly restrictive, this is often the reality), an HIV diagnosis could be considered a death sentence. When the New York City health department and hospitals in the Bronx implemented opt-out testing in emergency rooms some HIV rights activists raised concerns that doing so reduced the likelihood that patients would undergo the informed consent process, which (though required by law) has been shown to reduce the chances that a person will get tested. The then-head of the NYC department, Thomas Frieden, is now the head of the CDC.

Considering that Texas has the 4th highest number of AIDS diagnoses in the country, behind epicenter states California, Florida and New York, moving toward presumptive testing is a good idea. I hope that a commitment to providing access to care for those diagnosed with HIV/AIDS will follow, because Texas has the highest percentage of the population without health insurance of any state, and HIV meds are expensive as hell.

Until there's a cure...

PS-Won't you please vote for me for Austin's Best New Blog? Thanks!!

New Use for Texas Social Studies Textbooks: Doggy Style for Short People

Won't you take a minute to vote for me for Best New Blog in Austin? Thanks!


Why not put your Glencoe Health book under that pillow? (Cosmo)

Dear Julie,

I love getting fucked from behind, it's my all time fav position. Problem is, I'm 5 feet tall and my current partner is pushing 6 feet. So unless there's something (a bench or bed at perfect height for example) for me to "prop" myself up on, we find it hard to make it happen. We love switching up location as much as possible so we don't always have the right equipment. Any advice???

Kitty

Dear Kitty,

As a fellow lady of diminutive stature, I can totally relate to your height disparity problem. But in Texas we're fortunate that the State Board of Education earlier this year approved another mountainous set of textbook requirements, meaning that young'uns all over the state will soon be in possession of yet another 1000 page behemoth, useless textbook to make sex with a partner of great height that much easier.

If you'd prefer not to use textbooks (or, say, aren't in high school), there is a manufacturer making products designed for precisely this type of dilemma: Liberator. The Ramp is designed for just your purpose--and it can be used for other positions to boot. Check out the extensive videos on the website if you need some inspiration (NSFW, but hot). At $145 it's pricey for a pillow, but a good investment for a petite lady who likes it from behind.

If you don't have that much cash to blow on a piece of sex furniture, you may just need to get creative in your locations: find shelves, chairs, high heels, phone books, end tables, desks, counters, and more to get your legs to be as long as your boyfriend's.

Additionally, there are other ways to have sex from behind besides standing up; you can put your head on the floor, on the bed, on a stack of useless Texas-approved textbooks, on the desk, the stairs, whatever happens to be available. Give it a shot. And this one, too. And in case you like a little dose of Disney in your lovin:


The new Social Studies book should come in handy for this one. The "Magic Mountain" (Cosmo)

You can get the sensation of sex from behind at a variety of angles--remember also that you can sit on top of your man, facing his feet, and whatever he's hitting inside you from behind will get stimulated that way as well.

In case none of these tricks work, here's Cosmo's best advice for attracting hot dudes "like crazy"--maybe you can find someone closer to your own height.

Good luck!

Julie

PS-Won't you please vote for me for Best New Blog in Austin? Thanks!

Vote for How to Have Sex in Texas for Austin's Best New Blog!

OMG SRSLY. Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who nominated me for Best New Blog. Now you can actually vote!

LAST DAY to nominate How to Have Sex in Texas for Austin's Best New Blog!!

OMG SRSLY. There are these awards. The Austin Blogger Awards. For the best blogs in Austin. I think you know that in spite of the stiff competition from all the other great blogs in Austin, How to Have Sex in Texas clearly deserves an award. Please please please nominate me. Thanks a million, loyal readers.

Julie Sunday

New CDC STD Surveillance: Texas Doin' Its Part for the Dirty South

In WWII we understood that condoms prevent STIs. Someone ought to tell Rick Perry.

Today is the day that public sexual health nerds like myself wait for all year: the new CDC STD Surveillance Report is out! In support of the "Most Sexually Active City in America" crown bestowed upon us by Men's Health earlier this fall, the CDC has confirmed again that the good men and women of Texas know how to get it on. Someone ought to tell Rick Perry, what with his embarassing video about the effectiveness of abstinence and all.

Take, if you will, Chlamydia. Of the 50 counties contributing most to the rate of chlamydia in the US, Texas has 5 counties* on the list, none lower than #31. Hook 'em, Gig 'em, and Guns up, y'all! Everyone in the state worked hard to contribute to this one.

For Gonorrhea, which fell to its lowest level nationally since 1941, Texas ranks #14, with more cases (29,295) than any other state. Harris, Dallas and Bexar counties are all in the national top 10 for gonorrhea. Don't mess with Texas!

The rate of my personal favorite, syphilis, puts Texas at #6, by far our most impressive showing. California does beat us on the raw number of cases but our rate is higher, so take that, Golden State! Texas represents more than 10% of the total number of cases in the US.

So, Texans, as much as we might want to win something (especially considering our absence from the national sports stage this year) let's all decide to use condoms and get tested, mmkay?




* #7: Harris County (Houston)
#9: Dallas County
#13: Bexar County (San Antonio)
#22: Tarrant County (Ft. Worth
#31: Travis County (Austin, WOOT!)

Repost: ACLU of Texas Takes Walgreens to Task for Refusing EC to Men

I love the Walgreens down the street from me but according to the ACLU, not all Texas Walgreens are created equal:

Walgreens Continues Gender Discrimination at the Pharmacy

Couples who work together to make healthy decisions about contraception should be supported. So why is it that local Walgreens in Texas have repeatedly refused to sell contraception to men, despite corporate headquarters policy and federal guidelines to the contrary?

That is exactly what happened to Adam Drake, who tried to purchase emergency contraception from a Walgreens in Houston. He was shocked when the pharmacy unequivocally denied him the product because he is a man. When he complained to the store manager, she stood by the pharmacist’s decision....

To read the rest, click here.

With Hilarious New PSA, Austin Abstinence Organization Finally Gets In On the Joke

Pants! Now why didn't I think of that?

You heard it here first, folks: our own Austin LifeGuard, the educational arm of Austin LifeCare Crisis Pregnancy Center has decided to spend some of its federal abstinence money making public service videos. The PSA above promises that wearing pants is "the only 100% guarantee to avoid the unwanted side effects of sex." They even come in a variety of shapes and sizes! I'm glad you finally get the joke, Austin LifeGuard.

Not satisfied with infomercials, Austin LifeGuard has created a website, IHeartPants.org, and is selling I Heart Pants t-shirts for just $12. They promise that pants will provide a variety of benefits, including a "revolutionary way to prevent: regret, jealousy, heartache, ended friendships, ruined reputations, and more!" Plus they can make your ass look great!



According to the SIECUS state profile for Texas, Austin LifeGuard/LifeCare will receive $582,900 in Community Based Abstinence Education (CBAE) funds for FYs 2008-2013. CBAE money goes directly from the federal government to "community based" (read: religious) organizations for abstinence programs that the state has no control or veto power over. Austin LifeGuard/LifeCare also received $70,245 as a Title V subgrant, funds to provide education in public schools. But what of the news that Austin Independent School District (AISD) will be piloting PREP funded-programs in partnership with Planned Parenthood?

With less business, perhaps LifeGuard decided to spend its funds on media campaigns, which are allowed under the grants. I can only imagine these videos are in response to the Texas Freedom Network's satirical videos which took their scripts verbatim from Pam Stenzel and other abstinence educators' presentations (see below).

The perfect Christmas gift for that irritatingly chaste member of your family could be the "I Heart Pants" t-shirt and the Original Handjob. While I doubt Austin LifeGuard would describe handjobs as safe, even the abstinence kids deserve some sexual gratification and, besides, if it's just your hand, you can't get pregnant!

In total, the PSAs have only garnered 1,965 views. Make sure to check out their other video about an awkward dad bragging that his son has genital herpes and the heartbreak that is fake social networking. While I appreciate this cheeky and novel approach, these ads are being paid for with federal tax dollars. And you know what's really hard if you never take off your pants? TEABAGGING.


Think this sounds ridiculous? Check out the original.

Atty General Abbott Goes After Teen Sexting, Still Seems Obsessed with Teen Sex

image from Love, Niko

KUT reported this morning that Texas Attorney General and Craigslist world's oldest profession hater Greg Abbott is teaming up with Texas State Senator Kirk Watson (D-Austin) to...wait for it...crack down on teen sexting. I'm so glad these two venerable politicians are diving into the hot tub of bipartisanship to address this vitally important iss...oh, fuck it.

According to Abbott's website, the legislation would create a program to "educate" offending teenagers about sexting and how it's illegal because sending sexy pictures of an underage person is considered child pornography. It seems that being arrested for sending a grainy picture of one's dick would get that message across pretty clearly. But the law would also reduce the charges teens would face to a misdemeanor.

Back in February Abbott's website carried this "alert" to parents and teenagers about the dangers of sexting and the potential legal consequences, informing readers that:

Clearly, this dangerous technological trend can haunt children for years, and it is impacting schools and communities statewide. Of course, investigators and prosecutors consider the circumstances of each case before deciding whether – and which – charges charges may apply. By the time law enforcement has gotten involved, however, someone has already gotten hurt. Education and active parenting present the best way to ensure children avoid this dangerous activity.

This dangerous trend is impacting schools all over the state! Riiight.

The consequences those caught sexting would face would include forced participation in the "educational" program and "reduced cell phone usage." So what we've got here, in a time when Guvnuh Goodhair is downplaying our billions-big state budget deficit, is a proposed law that would create an educational program and require cell phone monitoring for teenagers who send pictures of their tits or whatever. Will this be a revenue-generating program or does Texas just have cash to throw at teenagers engaging in regular, normal teenagery sexytime?

While I'm all for eliminating child porn charges for sexting, really, Greg Abbott? First you try to eliminate prostitution by shutting down the "adult services" section of Craigslist and now you're going to go after teenagers for sending sexy notes? In my day we made paper dolls out of porn magazine cutouts and put our friends' faces on them. To think I could be a registered sex offender if I'd been caught in Texas with those materials.

Perhaps the "educational" component of the law would create a program like p.a.p.a., the Attorney General's mandatory "paternity and parenting awareness" program in place in secondary schools in Texas that focuses on the consequences of teen childbearing and the responsibilities of fathers, but fails, of course, to include any information about, say, how to wrap up one's dick to prevent pregnancy.

One thing is for sure--Greg Abbott spends a shit-ton of time thinking about teenagers having sex. You'd think a state with 23 million people and the largest border with Mexico might have some more pressing legal issues he could address than teenagers sending sex texts.

Virtual Book Tour: "Passion: Erotic Romance for Women"

No one is a more prolific producer of erotica for women than the epic Rachel Kramer Bussel, who graciously sent me a copy of her latest book, Passion: Erotic Romance for Women to review. I used to read her column in the Village Voice when I lived in New York and saw her do an erotic reading at Happy Ending in Chinatown and this woman knows her stuff.

For anyone who has ever read Penthouse Forum and longed for stories that were less about fucking the pizza delivery guy, bartender, or husband's friend/boss and more about how hot sex can be between two people who really know and love each other, this is the book for you.

I haven't made it all the way through the book yet (it's not the kind of romance novel that you read at a single stretch) but so far the stories are excellent. Long enough for erotic buildup, not too long that you get bored reading them.

I don't read regular romance novels so I have no idea how explicit they are these days, but these stories are definitely "hard core" in that they use words like "fuck" and "pussy" and "cock," but not so hard core that they include irritatingly degrading language "Suck my cock, you little slut" or "He made me into his slut--and I liked it!" you often find in Penthouse's letters.

As always, Rachel has done a terrific job of editing this anthology and putting together a collection of stories with no duds. Definitely worth adding to your smut library.

Does Pubic Hair Removal Increase the Risk of Herpes?

Could this excruciating process be increasing your risk for herpes?

In this fall's issue of the Journal of American College Health researchers from the University of Massachusetts at Amherst published research further raising the bar of the number of college student genital herpes infections caused by HSV-1, heretofore thought to be "oral herpes." (1) What the hell is going on? Are college students having drunken oral sex rainbow parties? Is this what all those Silly Bandz are for? Are kids who take abstinence pledges engaging in oral sex because they think it's "not sex" and/or "safe"? (It is, by the way) Or is the prevalence of shaved and waxed pubes putting these kids uniquely at risk for getting herpes if they come into contact with it?

Bob Horowitz and his coauthors did a chart review of students diagnosed with genital herpes at a campus health center. Of the 215 patient records reviewed, a whopping 78% of female and 85% of male genital herpes cases were caused by HSV-1. The standard suggestion for this finding is an alleged increase in oral sex. While I know that much of the 2000's has been spent panicking over the increase in oral sex among young people, I don't believe that sexual behavior changes significantly at the population level over time, so I don't believe that oral sex has really increased--we just ask about it specifically in surveys now, so we can measure something we couldn't measure before.

Case in point, the NHANES* didn't define sex as "oral, vaginal or anal" until the 1999 version; prior to that the term "sexual intercourse" was used. (2) But unless the questions are independent from each other, asking about each behavior individually, you are still fucking up your data collection because when you expand your definition of sex a greater proportion of people will report having had sex and with a greater number of partners without shedding any light on which type of sex might be presenting the greatest risk.

But here's my problem. According to the article referenced above, oral HSV-1 prevalence has been on the decline since the 1970s. Among 14-19 year olds (the age group of greatest interest to those of us who work in college health) HSV-1 seroprevalence declined from 45% in the 1988-1994 set to 39% in the 1999-2004 cohort. Among males, the prevalence declined from 43% to 36%, and among females 48% to 41%. (p 970) Between 36 and 41% of the population infected is nothing to sneeze at, but why would a decline in seroprevalence of both HSV-1 and HSV-2 make everyone freak out and conclude that oral sex is on the rise? If genital herpes infections in general were on the increase and HSV-2 was on the decline and HSV-1 on the rise then that idea would make sense. Are those people disproportionately having more oral sex than the rest of the population?

Horowitz suggests the following:

"Orogenital contact [oral sex] is a major factor in the transmission of genital HSV-1. Oral sex is commonly thought to be "safer" for prevention of pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections, including HIV disease, compared to vaginal or anal intercourse." (p 72)

Actually, there is no evidence that college students engage in oral sex because it is "safer" or because it presents no pregnancy risk. In fact, a breaking article by another college sex researcher, Sara Oswalt from the University of Texas - San Antonio, found that college students didn't report considering risk in making the decision to have oral sex at all. (3) Most people who engage in oral sex do so because they want someone's mouth on their junk or vice versa.

I have personally implemented the National College Health Assessment and am pretty damn familiar with the literature on college student sexual behavior, and I've never come across any data showing that oral sex is chosen based on a calculated risk assessment that ultimately favors oral instead of vaginal. I have also never, in my hundreds of conversations with students as a campus sexual health educator, heard a student say that they had oral sex for this reason. Most people are ready for oral--both in the macro [in their sexual development] and the micro [a specific relationship]--before vaginal or anal. Sexual behavior is a cumulative developmental process, like math. Horowitz doesn't include actual statistics from this data of what number of subjects have engaged in oral, vaginal or anal sex: he just notes oral sex as a "pattern." (p 72)

Horowitz mentions a few other "patterns" in those diagnosed with genital HSV-1: "a negative personal history of cold sores [i.e., no history of cold sores], having a sexual partner with a recent cold sore, orogenital contact, being an athlete, and cosmetic body shaving." (p 72) I have heard other college health providers suggest that women removing their pubic hair is associated with herpes risk.

I asked Horowitz for an interview and he declined. But hair removal is a risk for herpes and other skin-to-skin STI transmission in two ways. First, removing the hair eliminates a natural physical barrier between the genitals that could increase the amount of exposure a person would have to another person's junk during sex. Second, shaving and particularly, waxing, can compromise the integrity of the skin itself, leaving hair follicles open, exposed and susceptible to infection. Anyone who's had a bikini wax will remember those pin-prick sized dots of blood you get on your underwear and how your labia get all puffy--ladies, those are holes in your skin and the puffiness is a white blood cell response to skin trauma. Considering also that many people get waxed in anticipation of, uh, a "good time," those who wax could be particularly at risk because they may be more likely to go out and have a bunch of sex after getting waxed without allowing sufficient time to heal.

But this is a question that likely won't be answered soon, because of the Julie Sunday "What About the Fucking?!?" axiom. When researchers fail to actually consider the sexual implications of behaviors and diseases that are dependent on, you know, fucking, we fail to collect the right data or come to the right conclusions. If a healthcare provider notes a "pattern" of pubic hair removal occurring again and again in patients and fails to begin to keep track of who is doing what to their junk, we can't answer the question that might be the reason for the increase in genital HSV-1 diagnoses.

The answer probably isn't more oral sex but a change in the genital environment at the population level--i.e., less pubic hair--which makes oral sex a more efficient transmitter of HSV-1 from one partner's mouth to another's genitals.

Happy Friday.

----------

*National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey, conducted by the CDC

(1) Horowitz et al. "Herpes Simplex Virus Infection in a University Health Population: Clinical Manifestations, Epidemiology, and Implications." Journal of American College Health. Vol 59, No 2. Pgs. 69-74.
(2) Xu et al. "Trends in Herpes Simplex virus type 1 and type 2 seroprevalence in the United States." Journal of the American Medical Association. 2006: 296: 964-973.
(3) Oswalt, Sara. "Beyond Risk: Examining College Students' Sexual Decision Making." American Journal of Sexuality Education. 2010.