Update: Dallas Police Chief Totally Didn't Mean It, Ladies!

Via the Dallas Morning News: What Dallas Police Chief "Really" Said.

"I absolutely did not state that the victims are to blame for sexual assault," Brown said. "I do want to continue to emphasize that women be aware of their surroundings and, when possible, travel in pairs or in a group to enhance security around sexual assault," Brown said. "I just think it's irresponsible for bloggers to put inaccurate information in reports to excite or to create this uproar that is not consistent with my statement," Brown said. "They're being irresponsible. This is a very sensitive issue and we really do want to make victims aware of how to protect themselves from these predators."

I think what's irresponsible is that this guy thinks that he can make comments like this at a public meeting with reporters in the audience and think his comments aren't going to, you know, be reported on.

Sorry, Chief Brown--the Texas Legislature hasn't passed any laws (yet) that lets police off the hook for protecting women when they're drinking. But hey, January is a whole new session.

Cornyn to Gay Republicans: "I will do anything you want for $500"

Via the Abilene Reporter News, 100% anti-gay Texas Senator John Cornyn has agreed to attend the Log Cabin Republicans fall fundraiser in Washington this September. From the Senator's own mouth:

“I don’t want people to misunderstand and think that I don’t respect the dignity of every human being regardless of sexual orientation,” Cornyn said.

As in, let's don't talk about the gay stuff and focus on the important things like how many checks y'all can write to the GOP campaign treasure chest, and we can all totally get along! But not like Larry Craig airport bathroom get along though, kay? I think I get what you mean here, Senator, but let's work on those double negatives.

Log Cabin Republians executive director R. Clarke Cooper defended thusly his self-flagellating willingness to engage with politicians who totally hate gay people:

“So our role within the party is to help educate current elected leaders and also educate candidates as to how they can be still true to themselves as far as issues, as far as core conservative, back-to-basics issues without using the gay and lesbian community as a target,” he said.

Yeah...good luck with that. But more importantly, Julie Sunday heartthrob Tucker Carlson is the actual headliner at the September fundraiser. I don't want any person, republican or otherwise, to misunderstand that I don't respect the dignity of and also totally want to bone TC.

Dallas Police Chief to Ladies of Dallas: If you Are Raped in Dallas, It's Probably Your Fault

via Jezebel.

File this under "Oh, for fuck's sake."

Someone hilarious in Dallas is liveblogging the Public Safety Committee Meeting (note to self: congratulations on not becoming a beat reporter, seriously) and the chief of police, David Brown, has a lot of good news to share: murder is down, car theft is down, and robbery is down. Hooray, Dallas! If I ever feel remotely interested in coming to Dallas again (after a brief stopover at Taco Cabana on my road trip back from the East coast) I'll feel safer knowing that, as long as I'm sober, the police probably won't blame me for being the victim of crime.

Unfortunately, rape is up a staggering 23% in the Metroplex this year, and the chief had the following suggestion as to why:

"We're needing to create a message to the victims of this type of crime, related to, you know, someone you don't know that well, you having a little bit too much to drink," explains Chief Brown, suggesting women, "have your friends watch you" if you intend to drink in front of a man.

Sigh. To review: rapists cause rape, not women drinking. Not women dressing in a sexy way, either. Women walking alone on the streets late at night? Also not responsible for rape. Rapists are responsible for rape. They understand this in Scotland--why not Dallas? If you want to call the Police Department's Review Board and suggest that their Chief get a clue about sexual assault, here's their number: 214-670-3246.

Julie Sunday to Judge Air Sex 8/18

For real! My fave student, Mary Lingwall, and I went to the first round of Air Sex at the Alamo Drafthouse last week and have successfully arm-wrestled our way into judging the next round.

So come out Wednesday, August 18th at 10pm, to the Alamo Ritz in Downtown Austin and do your best Air Sex performance. There could be prizes. Beyond a movie theater of people dying to have sex with you, that is.

Austin Pregnancy Resource Center Fails to Comply with City Signage Ordinance

The Austin Pregnancy Resource Center from the sidewalk on Rio Grande

In early April of this year the Austin City Council followed Baltimore's example and passed an ordinance requiring crisis pregnancy centers that do not provide abortion or birth control (or referrals to providers who do) to post signs making that clear to potential "clients."

CPCs in Texas receive both federal and state funding for the non-services they provide, so Austin putting them under the magnifying glass is a powerful statement, even if the penalty is a mere $450 and a Class C misdemeanor.

One of the CPCs, Austin Pregnancy Resource Center, is conveniently located right in West Campus, in the midst of most of the fraternity and sorority housing near the University of Texas at Austin.

The ordinance was passed on April 8 and the text, which was obtained by the Austin Chronicle, is below:

The owner or operator of a limited service pregnancy center shall prominently display, at the entrance of the Center, two black and white signs, one in English and one in Spanish, that state as follows: "(A)This Center does not provide abortions or refer to abortion providers. This Center does not provide or refer to providers of U.S. Food and Drug Administration approved birth control drugs and medical devices. (B) Each sign must be at least eight and one-half inches by eleven inches high and the text must be in a font size of at least 48 point."

As of July 30, APRC failed to display any signage in compliance with the ordinance. See the photos of the "client" entrance below, both close-up and from the street.


From the entry walk on Rio Grande

From the front steps

Front door signs, in English only: "Door bell does not work. Please come in." and "Hours of Operation. Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, 9:00 am - 5:00 pm. Thursday and Friday, 10:00 am- 3:00 pm. Saturday 10:00 am - 2:00 pm. (Closed Sunday)"

The APRC puts up flyers on campus and must have supporters in high places in order to maintain its high-rent location. A misdemeanor and $450 probably won't set them back much, but the law is the law. But why not write City Councilman Bill Spelman, who sponsored the bill, and let him know you want this law enforced?

Surprisingly Good Sex Advice from the Scariest People in Zilker Park

These two kids probably met at church.

Juggalos and Juggalettes, those terrifyingly painted clowns that haunt the parking lots of Zilker Park and are devotees of the band that time forgot, Insane Clown Posse, are the guest advice-givers for Nerve.com's sex advice column this week. For as completely fucking frightening as these kids look they are actually really reasonable.

Dirty Byrd, 25, offered the following:

I was really into this girl. Recently, I looked through her iPod and noticed it was nothing but Ke$ha and Lady Gaga. Is "terrible taste" an okay reason to break things off?

No. But it’s a good reason to just make fun of them.

My girlfriend hooked up with one of her girlfriends and I got mad. She said it didn’t count as cheating, but I’m pissed. Isn’t it cheating no matter who it’s with?

I guess if it was a drunken bar night, it wouldn’t be that big of a deal. Girls do stuff like that, you know. But if you come home and they’re all over each other on the couch, you’d probably be within your rights to get a little pissed. If they ask you join in, that could be another story, I guess. But I’m not too into lesbians to tell you the truth, so I’d probably be a little angry.

Way to go, Dirty Byrd! Read more at Nerve.com and learn more about the shocking reality of Juggalos here.

Q: Why Isn't Grindr for Straight People? A: AFK, BBS, SWF L4 NSA GFE

Isn't this helpful?

Dear Julie,

I recently heard about an iPhone app called Grindr, which lets men who want to hook up find each other based on their GPS coordinates. First of all, awesome. Second of all, how come straight people don't have something like that? How sweet would it be to just be able to find a girl within 500 yards of my location and have sex? Can you help?

J/O Enthusiast (jk),

Edward

Dear Edward,

From what I hear, Austin's online hook up scene for straight people is dominated by craigslist and, to a lesser extent, OKCupid and that there's no Grindr-like option for us breeders. But the problem with all of those sites is that it takes longer and more effort to create a profile than it does to just, say, go to a bar and make oneself available for sex.

The downside, for straight men anyway, is that men's sex has no value, so you can't just go to a bar with a t-shirt that says "I give great head" and expect that a girl is going to a) take you seriously and b) go home with you. Part of the reason for that is women don't want to "sell" to someone who clearly doesn't have the social capital to find and "buy" from a willing woman. I've [ahem] heard from guys that all a girl has to do is say, "Hey, want to have sex?" and the deal is sealed, so to speak. But if a guy does the same he's liable to get slapped in the face.

So what's a technology-addled guy to do? First, stop checking in FourSquare, stop Tweeting, and put your iPhone down. You have a couple of options and none of them involve thumbing those dumb "Hey, how you doin?" texts late at night.

First, if you haven't totally ruled out guys, why not sign up for Grindr and see how unbelievably easy it is to get laid outside a system that punishes women for having casual sex? Women generally don't go in for anonymous, casual sex because their "value" declines if they sell at too low a "price." (Reminder: Men's sex has no value, so they can sell at whatever price they want and it doesn't have any bearing on their overall social standing.)

If same sex behavior is totally out, you can always try craigslist. Again and again and again. But from what I hear, most of the women who populate the "Casual Encounters" section in Austin are actually sex workers. So try the "Women Seeking Men" section instead. You might find someone to have sex with you after exchanging 75 emails with pictures, references, work history, etc.

If that doesn't work you might take your search offline to bars, clubs, the gym, or the rollerskating rink. (Well, that last one is just if you want to meet me.) The men who are most likely to succeed are smart enough to meet girls at places where their guard is down and they're not steeling themselves to get hit on by every horny douchebag that walks in the door. Try church. Or a bowling alley. Or, again, the rollerskating rink. Have a gay friend? Get him to take you dancing at a gay bar--those places are crawling with straight women looking to avoid the meat-market atmosphere.

Unfortunately there aren't straight bath houses, straight glory holes, straight cruising areas, and so on. Not because women wouldn't like to have anonymous sex--but because they can't due to the social consequences of "selling" at too low a price. Don't like it? The patriarchy isn't fair to men, either.

Much Love,

Julie Sunday