Sunday, January 23, 2011

Dallas Mom Forced to Explain Billboard, Masturbation with Vegetables, to Children

Heads up to S for the tip! On I-35 north to Dallas this billboard, from Metroplex-area sex shops Sara's Secret and Condoms To Go, has put "parents in a pickle" over how to explain to their kids what in the sam hell this ad is trying to convey.

The ad's contention that "thousands of cucumbers are assaulted every day" is, perhaps, true, but the use of vegetables and other household objects for masturbation is sometimes a necessity for those who can't purchase actual vibrators for lack of funds or, you know, age of majority.

Fortunately, Sara's Secret and Condoms To Go have thirteen locations in DeSoto, Kaufman, Corsicana, Frisco, McKinney, Plano, Lewisville, Carollton and Dallas for all of your non-edible sex toy needs!

NBC DFW quotes Rebecca Blake, an Angry Christian Mom, as saying: "We saw a big billboard with a cucumber on it and a face and it said 'Stop vegetable abuse.' My daughter Sara said, 'What's that? Stop vegetable abuse?'" Blake doesn't say how, or if, she explained to her daughter what someone might do to a cucumber that could count as abuse, particularly considering "the Christian values she teaches her children," and NBC DFW's article is similarly coy.

Surely any parent could come up with the lie that parents tell their kids every day: "I don't know, honey." But if one were to watch the video version of the commercial from Sara's Secret, below, the mystery is mostly gone. You're welcome.

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